Chatting With Our Man About Town
Loren: look at your regular email
Chris: OK
Checking Email from Loren:
Here we go again. I sent Keith a massage asking him if he would consider being Karl's buddy, as he really needs a "cool" friend, and this is what I got. If you start to tear up, do not worry about it, because my service manager and I already did.
Wow!
-----Original Message-----
From: Facebook [mailto:notification+p1duiuvm@facebookmail.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 24, 2010 7:31 PM
To: Loren R. Christensen
Subject: Keith Richards sent you a message on Facebook...
Keith sent you a message.
Re: Hey Keith,
"have him message me if he likes and we will have a nice chat.. if he has anything he would like to ask or talk about tell him to do so and of course i would be very patient.. tell him to add me too of course, i looked but am haveing difficulties finding him, not the best with this thing, lol.......keef."
Chris: Wow
Loren: Karl will never forget this one.
Chris: That is quite interesting.
Loren: I always knew that Keith was a nice man.
Chris: There is still part of me that is, however, skeptical if it is truly him.
Loren: well i asked if maybe he could send a picture of the stones autographed
Chris: Reminds me of the twitter deal with Chris Walken.
But then again, who am I to know?!
I'm just some fucknut sitting halfway across the world.
Loren: It's him or the most incredble impression ever
Chris: I'm anxious to see you get that picture!
That would be awesome.
Loren: that would be the proof i need
Chris: I wish Hitler was still around on Facebook.
Chris: It could indeed be him, though, as I thought FB started a verification policy on sites claiming to represent celebrities.
Chris: I'm crossing my fingers for Keith to show up some Saturday at your place to jam.
You could apply to become his personal assistant.
Loren:haha
Chris: Loren Christensen, Keef Richard's butler
Loren: drinkin with keith
Chris: Flying all over the world, fucked up
Who knows? Stranger things have happened.
I don't think that you would give two thoughts to DSM and the life you now lead if that sort of opportunity fell into your lap.
Trying to keep Keef and Ronnie out of trouble in Bangkok
Loren: hahhah
Chris: The thing is, they're getting older, so they'll need someone to figure out the correct dosage.
There would be a new reality show on MTV: Keef's American Butler.
It would make Ozzy Osbourne look like Leave it to Beaver.
Chris: If you ever did meet him, I can imagine you supplicating ala Wayne's World. You're not worthy!
haha
The Stones are all friends with Bill Clinton, so there could be some serious pussy parties in the Big Apple.
Slick Willie in a toga kind of stuff
Who was it, F.Scott Fitzgerald who said the rich aren't like us? You'd get to see just how fucking debauched they truly are.
Coming up next on MTV, Keef's American Butler.
Tune in this week as Keef's American Butler Loren has to bail out Charlie and Keef from a Tokyo jail, meeting with the American ambassador to smooth out the incident.
Loren: hahaha
get the prime minister high
fuck, get the emperor high
Chris: I like that for a band name.
Get the Emperor High
Loren: hahaha
Chris: Get all fucking high and put on Samurai armor
Watch as Keef manages to burn down a 1000 year old temple with a flaming arrow.
See Loren stumble drunk and destroy 20 ancient bonsai trees
Watch as Mick Jagger manages to get both of them out of the country on his private jet.
Loren: hahaha
like godzilla walking through them, bitching about christine thelan the whole time
bitching
Chris: Loren - "I fucking bought a bonsai tree for a girlfriend of mine once, can you fucking believe that, Keef. She probably still has it."
Loren:"let it go, man"
Chris: Keef - swinging samurai sword and hacking off tree
In a scene reminiscent of the films of the great Akira Kurosawa, Keef and Loren manage to escape through some quick ninja moves as 500 armed guards converge on the palace.
Loren: the drunken ninja's
another great name
where were all these when we needed them
Chris: The Drunken Ninja's with their new album, Get the Emperor High
Loren: the best one was and is still "the mammary attractions"
hahaha
Chris: That is what was lacking in all those old band names, the unforgetable factor.
The Drunken Ninjas instantly creates a vision of dark clad, sake drinking warriors, throwing stars wildly, indiscriminately destroying shit
Loren: hahaha
get the emporor high is funny as hell
emperor
Chris: Get the Emperor High also creates an image, either of Japan, Rome or Star Wars hegemons toking on a bong.
May the smoke be with you.
Loren: "toke!! toke it out, man!!!!!
smoke careening out of the emperors nostrils
Chris: I always loved that 5 minutes between an oxygen-depriving toke and total fucking mayhem.
Loren:i could be in the back cheering him on like i used to you
yea yea yea gogogogog!!!!!
Chris: Will Sigsbee - "Fuck Meyer, that was one hell of a hit."
Loren: awesome!!!!
hahaha
Chris: In that 5 minutes, my mind pretty much disengages from standard thought procedures.
Loren: like an animal
Chris: Sort of.
Loren: you switch to instincts
Chris: An animal who reads a lot
The well-read animal, another good band name
Loren: well, fuck, you chased me around like a dog for an hour once
Chris: haha
Loren: or a biography about you
Chris Meyer, the Well Read animal
Chris: Yeah, but what I realized by smoking it, just visualize it, and it is. If I see it, then it IS real.
Loren: or it could be an instruction manual for would be weirdo's just gettin their start
Chris: Everyone else in the room is either 1) on the same plane 2) reduced to insecure giggling or 3) scared as fuck
Loren: or like me, a combination
Chris: The would-be weirdos, another good band name
Make note of these for when you get something going
I still like Get the Emperor High
Loren: the drunken ninjas
Chris: Get the Emperor High has a real deviant factor to it, on par with Get the President High, but on a level of god on earth.
I am going to get God's representative on earth fucked up beyond all recognition.
That is a worthy cause if I ever heard of one.
Loren: i love it
I bet Jesus would have been funny high
or he probably was
Chris: I don't buy post-war Japan....they still think he is god, after all, he has the sun goddess Amaterasu in his lineage.
Loren: hei!!!
Chris: Just think, if you were Keef's butler, you would get to carry around a sort of Hunter S. Thompson briefcase like the one with the nuclear codes.
Only full of all medications.
Handcuffed to you. haha
I'd like to see his prescription list.
Loren: oh, but he doesn't DO that no more!!!
Chris: Not until Loren became his butler.
He probably takes bull semen injections like der Führer.
ha
Weird homeopathic remedies
Loren: what the fuck
Chris: What?
Loren: bull semen
Chris: haha
Loren: i will never look at the boss the same way, thanks.
we're gettin our head kicked in at kursk
i know! i will injest some bull semen
Chris: He was on coke in the last year, too
Loren: that i can understand
Chris: OK
Checking Email from Loren:
Here we go again. I sent Keith a massage asking him if he would consider being Karl's buddy, as he really needs a "cool" friend, and this is what I got. If you start to tear up, do not worry about it, because my service manager and I already did.
Wow!
-----Original Message-----
From: Facebook [mailto:notification+p1duiuvm@facebookmail.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 24, 2010 7:31 PM
To: Loren R. Christensen
Subject: Keith Richards sent you a message on Facebook...
Keith sent you a message.
Re: Hey Keith,
"have him message me if he likes and we will have a nice chat.. if he has anything he would like to ask or talk about tell him to do so and of course i would be very patient.. tell him to add me too of course, i looked but am haveing difficulties finding him, not the best with this thing, lol.......keef."
Chris: Wow
Loren: Karl will never forget this one.
Chris: That is quite interesting.
Loren: I always knew that Keith was a nice man.
Chris: There is still part of me that is, however, skeptical if it is truly him.
Loren: well i asked if maybe he could send a picture of the stones autographed
Chris: Reminds me of the twitter deal with Chris Walken.
But then again, who am I to know?!
I'm just some fucknut sitting halfway across the world.
Loren: It's him or the most incredble impression ever
Chris: I'm anxious to see you get that picture!
That would be awesome.
Loren: that would be the proof i need
Chris: I wish Hitler was still around on Facebook.
Chris: It could indeed be him, though, as I thought FB started a verification policy on sites claiming to represent celebrities.
Chris: I'm crossing my fingers for Keith to show up some Saturday at your place to jam.
You could apply to become his personal assistant.
Loren:haha
Chris: Loren Christensen, Keef Richard's butler
Loren: drinkin with keith
Chris: Flying all over the world, fucked up
Who knows? Stranger things have happened.
I don't think that you would give two thoughts to DSM and the life you now lead if that sort of opportunity fell into your lap.
Trying to keep Keef and Ronnie out of trouble in Bangkok
Loren: hahhah
Chris: The thing is, they're getting older, so they'll need someone to figure out the correct dosage.
There would be a new reality show on MTV: Keef's American Butler.
It would make Ozzy Osbourne look like Leave it to Beaver.
Chris: If you ever did meet him, I can imagine you supplicating ala Wayne's World. You're not worthy!
haha
The Stones are all friends with Bill Clinton, so there could be some serious pussy parties in the Big Apple.
Slick Willie in a toga kind of stuff
Who was it, F.Scott Fitzgerald who said the rich aren't like us? You'd get to see just how fucking debauched they truly are.
Coming up next on MTV, Keef's American Butler.
Tune in this week as Keef's American Butler Loren has to bail out Charlie and Keef from a Tokyo jail, meeting with the American ambassador to smooth out the incident.
Loren: hahaha
get the prime minister high
fuck, get the emperor high
Chris: I like that for a band name.
Get the Emperor High
Loren: hahaha
Chris: Get all fucking high and put on Samurai armor
Watch as Keef manages to burn down a 1000 year old temple with a flaming arrow.
See Loren stumble drunk and destroy 20 ancient bonsai trees
Watch as Mick Jagger manages to get both of them out of the country on his private jet.
Loren: hahaha
like godzilla walking through them, bitching about christine thelan the whole time
bitching
Chris: Loren - "I fucking bought a bonsai tree for a girlfriend of mine once, can you fucking believe that, Keef. She probably still has it."
Loren:"let it go, man"
Chris: Keef - swinging samurai sword and hacking off tree
In a scene reminiscent of the films of the great Akira Kurosawa, Keef and Loren manage to escape through some quick ninja moves as 500 armed guards converge on the palace.
Loren: the drunken ninja's
another great name
where were all these when we needed them
Chris: The Drunken Ninja's with their new album, Get the Emperor High
Loren: the best one was and is still "the mammary attractions"
hahaha
Chris: That is what was lacking in all those old band names, the unforgetable factor.
The Drunken Ninjas instantly creates a vision of dark clad, sake drinking warriors, throwing stars wildly, indiscriminately destroying shit
Loren: hahaha
get the emporor high is funny as hell
emperor
Chris: Get the Emperor High also creates an image, either of Japan, Rome or Star Wars hegemons toking on a bong.
May the smoke be with you.
Loren: "toke!! toke it out, man!!!!!
smoke careening out of the emperors nostrils
Chris: I always loved that 5 minutes between an oxygen-depriving toke and total fucking mayhem.
Loren:i could be in the back cheering him on like i used to you
yea yea yea gogogogog!!!!!
Chris: Will Sigsbee - "Fuck Meyer, that was one hell of a hit."
Loren: awesome!!!!
hahaha
Chris: In that 5 minutes, my mind pretty much disengages from standard thought procedures.
Loren: like an animal
Chris: Sort of.
Loren: you switch to instincts
Chris: An animal who reads a lot
The well-read animal, another good band name
Loren: well, fuck, you chased me around like a dog for an hour once
Chris: haha
Loren: or a biography about you
Chris Meyer, the Well Read animal
Chris: Yeah, but what I realized by smoking it, just visualize it, and it is. If I see it, then it IS real.
Loren: or it could be an instruction manual for would be weirdo's just gettin their start
Chris: Everyone else in the room is either 1) on the same plane 2) reduced to insecure giggling or 3) scared as fuck
Loren: or like me, a combination
Chris: The would-be weirdos, another good band name
Make note of these for when you get something going
I still like Get the Emperor High
Loren: the drunken ninjas
Chris: Get the Emperor High has a real deviant factor to it, on par with Get the President High, but on a level of god on earth.
I am going to get God's representative on earth fucked up beyond all recognition.
That is a worthy cause if I ever heard of one.
Loren: i love it
I bet Jesus would have been funny high
or he probably was
Chris: I don't buy post-war Japan....they still think he is god, after all, he has the sun goddess Amaterasu in his lineage.
Loren: hei!!!
Chris: Just think, if you were Keef's butler, you would get to carry around a sort of Hunter S. Thompson briefcase like the one with the nuclear codes.
Only full of all medications.
Handcuffed to you. haha
I'd like to see his prescription list.
Loren: oh, but he doesn't DO that no more!!!
Chris: Not until Loren became his butler.
He probably takes bull semen injections like der Führer.
ha
Weird homeopathic remedies
Loren: what the fuck
Chris: What?
Loren: bull semen
Chris: haha
Loren: i will never look at the boss the same way, thanks.
we're gettin our head kicked in at kursk
i know! i will injest some bull semen
Chris: He was on coke in the last year, too
Loren: that i can understand
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