MARP

Loren: wpitfgqeru tverhoteyportnopqetoqetqwotqwi

Chris: Hi

Loren: i am so broke that i am baroque

Loren: welcome to small business ownership

Chris: How are things going with your business?

Loren: it is fine, just really tight

Chris: That is probably normal in the first couple of years.

Loren: yes it is....

Loren: do we skype this sunday????

Chris: Perhaps, I never really know.

Chris: I can't plan!

Chris: ha

Chris: What percentage of your business is repairs and what percentage is sales?

Loren: i just had this chick from high school"friend me the other day ....i started to talk to her and she like had this stupid, i am a hot chick attitude going where she read into every comment i made......sooooo

Chris: Who is that?

Loren: i just deleted the stupid cunt

Chris: ha

Chris: What do you mean "read into every comment"?

Loren: darcy moeller, a person i did not even really know. fuck all these junior middle aged drama queens

Chris: What year did she graduate?

Loren: i dont know how to explain. 1990. i told her that i could not tell who she was very easily and she goes ...well what kind of pictures are you looking for

Chris: And?

Loren: i said , i did not mean that i was looking for a better view of her face, as she did not have her maiden name listed.

Chris: Was this a number in your own Fibonacci series?

Loren: so she posted a message saying that she hoped this picture provided better angles.

Loren: whatever that means

Loren: no

Chris: Did you go to the ISU game?

Loren: just another stupid bitch in the tra\evail of bitches

Loren: no i watched on TEY VEY

Chris: Wow, it was broadcast? They must have been nothing else on! ha

Chris: Northern Illinois and ISU isn't exactly the lineup for the ages.

Loren: we looked good

Chris: Good.

Chris: It would be nice to beat Iowa.

Chris: I wouldn't care if we lost every game after that.

Chris: I can't stand those assholes.

Loren: it will be a game

Chris: I like the university, but I hate their fucking fans.

Loren: oui

Loren: THE IOWA HAWKEYES ARE LIKE THE FRENCH

Chris: Like the joke goes. What do Iowa and Iowa State fans have in common? Neither attended the University of Iowa.

Chris: I guess I have the feeling that if you didn't attend school there, then on what basis are you claiming your fanship? Good marketing?

Chris: That is why I can't get into pro football.

Loren: AND A KICKASS LOGO

Chris: haha

Loren: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Chris: I have a few friends that actually went there, so I can understand their support of their university. But all these other fucks who barely got out of HS showing their support for Iowa? Fuck them.

Loren: FUUUUUUCK

Chris: And especially those who went to some Jr. college or Maryville or whatever, supporting Iowa. Geez, if you like the school so much, why didn't you get the fucking grades to go there, asshole?

Loren: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Loren: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Chris: So, did you hire a bunch of hot bitches to work at your shop?

Loren: FUCK

Chris: I'm listening to Jethro Tull's 1977 folk album, "Songs From The Wood".

Loren: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Chris: Fük ja, Mann.

Loren: I AM PRACTICING

Chris: Practicing fucking? I hope you shut the office door.

Loren: YEA, I GET UP ON MY DESK WITH MY GARBAGE CAN UNDER ME AND GO TO TOWN LISTENING TO THE ATLANTA RHYTHM SECTION

Chris: hahahaha

Loren: OK I AM FINISHED

Chris: So when do I get some senior pictures? I can't believe Kate is graduating next year.

Loren: I AM NOT SURE PRETTY SOON, THOUGH, MAN SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. MORE LIKE A WOMAN EVERY DAY

Chris: It's hard to believe you'll soon have an empty nest in that huge fucking house of yours.

Loren: I WOULD LIKE TO SELL IT AND GO ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Chris: You have the camper to do it.

Loren: I COULD POLLINATE THE THREE STATE AREA

Chris: haha

Chris: Loren the Bee

Chris: Making honey from Minneapolis to KC

Loren: GET BACK IN THE GAME AND LET THE EVIL PLANS CHINANIGANS, SCHEMING ETC.

Loren: HAMMERING PUBLIC OFFICIALS WIVES WHILE THEY ARE OUT IMPRESSING EVERONE ELSE.

Chris: What you need is a spot opening for a bigger band to get you some exposure, and some of your own material.

Loren: I HAVE TWO FEMALE BANKERS THAT COME OVER HERE ALL THE TIME....WEIRD

Chris: haha

Chris: Together?

Loren: MARANDA AND ELIZABETH

Loren: OUI

Loren: 23 AND 5

Loren: 25

Chris: What's up with that? OK, OK, don't tell me.

Loren: THEY ARE MY CAR FLOORPLANNERS.

Loren: THEY ARE BOTH ON MY FRIENDS

Loren: ONE IS ENGAGED SO THAT IS COOL, BUT I THINK ELIZABETH WANTS ME TO BE HER MEDIUM

Loren: SO SHE CAN COMMNICATE WITH THE ALMIGHTY

Loren: AKA OH GOD OH GOD

Chris: What is her last name? I can't find her on search

Loren: ELIZABETH THRASHER

Chris: haha

Loren: NOT THE BRIGHTEST BUT NICE. SHE IS EVIL TOO, I CAN TELL.

Chris: Holy shit, Batman.

Loren: ASS HAMMER CITY

Chris: That is exactly what you need.

Loren: KEITH HAS GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE HE IS COMPLAINING TO ME.

Chris: Keith Richards?

Chris: David Bowie?

Chris: Bon Jovi?

Chris: What?

Chris: You are soon to be the personal advisor to Keef Richards?

Loren: HE IS BITCHING ABOUT TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH ALL THE REQUESTS HE GETS FROM EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG. HE SAYS HE CANT KEEP UP.

Loren: I TOLD HIM TO JUST POST PUBLIC STUFF AND TALK TO THE FEW HE WANTS TO.

Chris: Offer to be his personal assistant. E-mail him a resume.

Loren: UH, KEITH , I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD PAY ME 125000 PER YEAR PLUS RESIDENCE AND BENEFITS TO GET FUCKED UP WITH YOU????

Chris: Tell him he's been deified, or at least he knows how it feels to be called upon like a cosmic bellhop.

Chris: haha

Chris: I don't know if that is how I would go about it.

Loren: NO

Loren: I WILL SEND YOU HIS TEXT THOUGH. I CAN TELL HE GETS EXASPERATED

Chris: I told Lucy Wood I was convinced you will personally meet with Keith Richards in the next two years.

Loren: I THINK IT MAY HAPPEN

Chris: Then we postulated that you may be called upon to play with him at some public event, upon which time you would spontaneously combust on stage, leaving nothing but a greasy spot on stage and a burned up Telecaster.

Loren: on the way

Loren: hahaha

Chris: Yeah, but the Elizabeth one says she's engaged.

Loren: yea like mccoid

Chris: She has pictures of her with some chump.

Loren: he looks like a real douche bag

Chris: That is even better, you don't have to worry about any exposure.

Loren: i am a toothless tiger these days, but the evil lurks stronger by the day

Chris: What is it with people getting the shit tattooed out of them nowadays?

Loren: i hate it

Chris: It always, and I mean always, looks cheap.

Loren: there is this office manager at the des moines auction that tells me i look like rod blagojevich.

Loren: i told her she looks like shirley fine

Chris: Who is that?

Loren: laverne de fazio's best friend

Chris: Oh, stupid me.

Loren: i asked her if she wanted to go on a test drive with the blago???

Chris: Should you have said Cindy Williams, I would have known.

Chris: haha

Chris: That tells me you need a new hairstyle!

Chris: ha

Loren: she has a dinomite ass and you can tell she is one step up from trailer trash and likes to fuck...that was my old de jour

Chris: I know - Squiggy! You can barge in and say "Hello!"

Chris: Well, then. What ARE you waiting for?

Loren: no i can be humping her on an old couch from behind and YOU barge in

Chris: Hello!

Chris: Dressed as Conan the Barbarian

Loren: i think at that point i would just keep going

Loren: even harder maybe

Chris: You'd have to share at that point. I could at least get a blowjob from the deal.

Chris: We could discuss Hegel or Kant while we porked her.

Loren: absolutely and i am sure she would be fine with it.

Chris: Great!

Loren: wonderful

Loren: publish cell pictures

Chris: Really, though. Those type of situations on videotape. I wonder how much you would need for a porn start-up.

Chris: Internet site, credit card access. We could make a shitload with Middle-Aged Reality Porn. MARP

Loren: it is easy. they dont even show the guy mostly. it is a cinch

Chris: Your son, Karl, is a techie, he could run the website. And I could be the director, like Burt Reynolds in Boogie Nights.

Chris: We could get a used van, deck it out in seventies style and cruise the streets of the Midwest.

Loren: like american pickers

Chris: Let's see, if we charged 20 bucks a month for access to the site, with automatic billing unless they cancel in writing, we could be setting on a gold mine.

Loren: and move to an island

Chris: Remember, the web is world wide. All we would need are 1000 perverts out of the over 6 billion folks on the planet to pay up monthly, and we'd have 240K gross a year.

Loren: fantasy island

Chris: Porn is recession-proof, too.

Chris: The only thing is there is a lot of free porn out there. You just need to have a higher quality product.

Chris: That Elizabeth Thrasher already has a porn name.

Chris: Betty Thrasher

Chris: And Karl is a techno-master. He could run everything.

Chris: Just tell your wife you are selling the house and Karl and you are starting a pornography company, haha

Chris: And there is one area that hasn't really been touched yet. Personal Porn Movies. People get professionals to film their weddings. We are the professionals to film your wedding night. With professional porn direction, writing, if wished, camera work and editing.

Chris: It is boudoir photography taken to its conclusion.

Loren: bad acting, the works!!!!

Chris: YES!

Chris: A young couple wants to make a sex tape, but they are tired of the shitty camera work from leaving a camera running at bedside. Karl, you and I show up with lights, cameras and action.

Loren: then the chloral hydrate comes out in his cocktail and i become what i was born to be.... the next robert crane!!!!

Chris: Our personal pornography consultants will help you develop your own script and storyline, to ensure a personal porn product you'll cherish for years.

Chris: YES! HOGAN!

Chris: Then, during our sales pitch, we offer them a chance to make money off of it by getting 20% of royalties from downloads off the internet., ha!

Loren: there has to be a time that we get karl out of it before i get shot, though.

Chris: haha Karl may be the one who shoots you, all fucked up on crystal.

Loren: great

Loren: so you run off with all the money....figures

Chris: We'd be on a fast road to flame out, but what the hell. Beats an office cubicle.

Chris: Seriously though, I bet you could make a mint with something like that.