Baker's Dozen
Loren: I want to write a song about all my past girlfriends....not letting who they are out of the bag to anyone but you.
Chris: You should write a concept album about ALL your ex gfs
Something archaic in this new age of the single, thanks to iTunes
With album art like Iron Maiden, ha
I'd go one step further and name all the songs after their first names, ha
Jeanette, Part I
Jeanette, Part II
It would be a long fucking album
ha, that's the title
A Long Fucking Album
ALFA
Chris: And if you can't remember their names, use the nearest geographical feature
Gravel Road
Hood Ornament
OK, that wasn't a geographical feature, but you get what I mean
There's got to be a song about wanting to chew your fucking arm off to get the fuck out of her bedroom in the light of morning.
Chris: Baker's Dozen: The Thirteen Most Memorable Chicks of Loren Christensen's career
Compare them all to pastry
Loren: HHAHAHAHA
Chris: Jeanette's a jelly donut
Karen's a prune danish
Sharla McAllister's a cinnamon roll
Sweeter inside than out
You gave her the icing
Chris: That would probably be the weirdest concept album of 2011.
Baker's Dozen
Loren's top chicks enjoyed through the metaphor of pastry
Kneading the dough
Smacking it around
Stretching it out
Just to get her buns in the oven
Chris: And, best of all, buy the album and get the 13 recipes to go along with it.
And since your work career began as a baker, it is fitting.
Which chick would you compare to Danish Rye Bread?
Crumbly and best eaten open faced with a bit of cheese
Danish Rye Bread
Jelly Donut
Apple Turnover
Pop Tart, ha
Cinnamon Roll
Kringle
Chocolate eclair
Cream Puff
Bear Claw, ha
Actually, there are some quite sexual references just in the names of these delicacies.
Apfelstrudel
(for your time over here)
Loren: YOU KILL ME DID YOU SEE WHAT I RETURNED
Chris: Not yet
Just a moment
Loren: I think that this could be a good project, the album will read . "all songs written by Christensen/Meyer
Chris: Sure
Pastries
Which is sort of fitting, since they taste great at first, but 1) too much will make you ill and 2) you usually regret it later.
Chris: OK
Baker's Dozen: A Tour of Loren's Ladies Through the Wonder of Pastry
First song would be "Cherry Danish" about some Elk Horn virgin
Second song would be about you banging Don Larsen's wife on the hood of a car. Let's call it "Kringle".
Then comes Jeanette, with Jelly Donut.
Sharla McAllister, Cinnamon Roll
Who was that really wild chick you dated for a while, Claudia Müller?
Bear Claw
Christine would be Chocolate Eclair
That chick you were engaged to for a while who threw your ring off the balcony: Pop Tart
There would have to be a place on this album for Apple Pie, too. The original pastry song.
That chick downtown, my neighbor, could be Apple Pie
Lisa Walden - Cream Puff, or Apple Turnover
Chris: Then comes Karen: Prune Strip
Three more for the baker's dozen
Song about the Sansibar: Apfelstrudel (sung in German)
Lucy Wood: Maple Bars
One more
hmmm
Loren: apple pie definately has to be on it.....
Chris: Think of one more chick. Angel Food would be a good one.
Ed. note: After a few mails back and forth, Loren and Chris came up with this first song for the album. Following that exchange and the results thereof, they decided to end their songwriting partnership.
Chris: You should write a concept album about ALL your ex gfs
Something archaic in this new age of the single, thanks to iTunes
With album art like Iron Maiden, ha
I'd go one step further and name all the songs after their first names, ha
Jeanette, Part I
Jeanette, Part II
It would be a long fucking album
ha, that's the title
A Long Fucking Album
ALFA
Chris: And if you can't remember their names, use the nearest geographical feature
Gravel Road
Hood Ornament
OK, that wasn't a geographical feature, but you get what I mean
There's got to be a song about wanting to chew your fucking arm off to get the fuck out of her bedroom in the light of morning.
Chris: Baker's Dozen: The Thirteen Most Memorable Chicks of Loren Christensen's career
Compare them all to pastry
Loren: HHAHAHAHA
Chris: Jeanette's a jelly donut
Karen's a prune danish
Sharla McAllister's a cinnamon roll
Sweeter inside than out
You gave her the icing
Chris: That would probably be the weirdest concept album of 2011.
Baker's Dozen
Loren's top chicks enjoyed through the metaphor of pastry
Kneading the dough
Smacking it around
Stretching it out
Just to get her buns in the oven
Chris: And, best of all, buy the album and get the 13 recipes to go along with it.
And since your work career began as a baker, it is fitting.
Which chick would you compare to Danish Rye Bread?
Crumbly and best eaten open faced with a bit of cheese
Danish Rye Bread
Jelly Donut
Apple Turnover
Pop Tart, ha
Cinnamon Roll
Kringle
Chocolate eclair
Cream Puff
Bear Claw, ha
Actually, there are some quite sexual references just in the names of these delicacies.
Apfelstrudel
(for your time over here)
Loren: YOU KILL ME DID YOU SEE WHAT I RETURNED
Chris: Not yet
Just a moment
Loren: I think that this could be a good project, the album will read . "all songs written by Christensen/Meyer
Chris: Sure
Pastries
Which is sort of fitting, since they taste great at first, but 1) too much will make you ill and 2) you usually regret it later.
Chris: OK
Baker's Dozen: A Tour of Loren's Ladies Through the Wonder of Pastry
First song would be "Cherry Danish" about some Elk Horn virgin
Second song would be about you banging Don Larsen's wife on the hood of a car. Let's call it "Kringle".
Then comes Jeanette, with Jelly Donut.
Sharla McAllister, Cinnamon Roll
Who was that really wild chick you dated for a while, Claudia Müller?
Bear Claw
Christine would be Chocolate Eclair
That chick you were engaged to for a while who threw your ring off the balcony: Pop Tart
There would have to be a place on this album for Apple Pie, too. The original pastry song.
That chick downtown, my neighbor, could be Apple Pie
Lisa Walden - Cream Puff, or Apple Turnover
Chris: Then comes Karen: Prune Strip
Three more for the baker's dozen
Song about the Sansibar: Apfelstrudel (sung in German)
Lucy Wood: Maple Bars
One more
hmmm
Loren: apple pie definately has to be on it.....
Chris: Think of one more chick. Angel Food would be a good one.
Ed. note: After a few mails back and forth, Loren and Chris came up with this first song for the album. Following that exchange and the results thereof, they decided to end their songwriting partnership.
CHERRY DANISH
HERE SHE COMES, ONE OF A KIND
PIPING HOT, SHE’LL BLOW YOUR MIND.
STICKY, FLAKY, HOT AND SWEET.
WITH SWEET, JUICY CHERRIES ON TOP,
SHE’S QUITE A TREAT.
DESIRE’S MY INSTINCT, PLEASURE PLACE
PRIZE BEHIND THE GLASS STARING IN MY FACE
I THINK I’LL HAVE HER AS I WALK AWAY.
SHARED WITH NO ONE
NOTHING MORE TO SAY.
SO INVITING
TO SUCK HER JUICES, SO EXCITING.
WAY TOO FRESH, TOO SWEET FOR SOME.
TASTE THIS FRUIT AND YOU’RE SURE TO COME.
IT WAS WORTH IT, A PETTY CRIME.
IT WAS WORTH IT, JUST TO FEEL ALIVE.
IT WAS WORTH IT, SO FIRM AND HOT
IT’S WORTH THE TROUBLE, I HAVE ONE SHOT.
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