A Message from the Leader of Greater Albania
Thanks, Mark. This is Chad Hitler reporting from Tirana, Albania, where, in a coup d'etat as of yet unnoticed by the vast majority of Albanian citizens, a virtual unknown, and what is even more remarkable, a person of non-Albanian heritage, has declared himself to be the "Leader" of what he refers to as "Greater Albania", a term laden with so much historical baggage, he's sure to piss plenty of people off. Based on his swarthy appearance and with a goodly amount of courage brought on by what appears to be Scotch whisky, Loren Christensen, now styled as Lorenz e Madhe, or Loren the Great, is about to take to the airwaves for what is his first, and possibly last, address to his people. Surprisingly enough, he's going to deliver the address in Albanian. Let's take a minute and tune in. I'll provide the translation as running commentary.
Njerëzit e Shqipërisë së Madhe!
People of Greater Albania!
Ajo është me krenari e madhe dhe një sasi të madhe të përulësisë që unë të marrë rolin enjë jete si udhëheqës tuaj tallen.
It is with great pride and a large amount of humility that I assume the role of a lifetime as your mock leader.
Unë nuk do të shohin ndonjë nga ju shume shpesh, si kam një makinë shitjeje në Iowa përtë menaxhuar, si dhe, një fushatë politike në senat Iowa për të zhvilluar vitin e ardhshëm.
I will not see any of you very often, as I have a car dealership in Iowa to manage, as well as, a political campaign in the Iowa senate to wage next year.
Duke thënë këtë, ju mund të siguruar se sasi të mëdha të Budweiser, birrë zyrtare e regjimittona motra, që i Stingray të madh, si dhe sasi të mjaftueshme të pushimeve dhe Rock n roll,do të jetë gjithmonë në furnizimin me të madhe, ndërsa unë jam në kontrollit.
Having said this, you can rest assured that large amounts of Budweiser, the official beer of our sister regime, that of the great Stingray, as well as ample amounts of vacation and Rock n roll, shall always be in great supply while I am in control.
Një dhi në çdo shtëpi.
A goat in every home.
Një pulë në çdo tenxhere.
A chicken in every pot.
Rolling Stones 24 orë në ditë, duke shfaqur sajuar hero tuaj popullore, Keith Richards.
Rolling Stones 24 hours a day, featuring your fabled folk hero, Keith Richards.
Unë do të kërkoj mbështetjen tuaj të vazhdueshme, ndërsa ne ndërtojmë qeverinë tonëfiktive në vend tuaj.
I will ask for your continued support while we build our fictitious government in your stead.
Gjatë mund të jetojmë!!
Long may we live!!
Udhërrëfyes
Your Leader
Well, Mark, that certainly was interesting, considering he mentioned running for senate in the US state of Iowa next year. That would be, I believe, the first time that a self-proclaimed dictator of a Balkan country has run for state office in Iowa. And it is also, I believe, the first time an American used car dealer has attempted a coup d'etat of a foreign power, aside from the Mexican incident with Brad Gustafson of Minnesota back in 1983. All in all, it's shaping up to be a watershed in Iowa - Albania relations. This is Chad Hitler reporting from Tirana. Now back to our irregularly scheduled programming on GBCN.
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