On the Michigan and Arizona Primaries and the Art of Projectile Vomiting
Ed. Note: The following message was delivered to me here at Festung Europa via courier this evening. As usual, the opinions of our alco-political correspondent are solely his own. Not that I don't necessarily agree with him, but for the sake of appearances, I at least try to be neutral.
-CRM
4:00 PM MST: After covering numerous nights of Republican primaries and caucuses as your trusty political and beverage correspondent, I have learned a few helpful tips for those looking to join this high octane sport. First and foremost, it is very helpful to pre-game the coverage to prevent projectile vomiting. So many things come out of the mouths of these batshit crazy, neanderthal Republicans that vomiting is a common symptom for a thinking man. Now, if you believe in talking snakes, the rise of the Black Panther Party, and the need to need to arm yourself for the upcoming apocalypse, then a nice glass of ice water will do for your pre-gaming schedule. If, on the other hand, you believe in the Science, Reason, and Logic, you really need to catch a buzz to deal with these fucking losers. Interesting enough, if our coverage of the Republican primaries is a success tonight and copious amounts of booze are consumed, then projectile vomiting will ensue. The thing with projectile vomiting is that it is all about timing.
It's a bit after four o'clock and I'm ditching out of work a bit early to attend a special tapping of Oskar Blues Ten Fidy aged in Whiskey barrels. This special release is being held at Vine Street Pub in Denver, Colorado, a satellite of the Mountain Sun brewery located in Boulder, Colorado. During the month of February, Mountain Sun and its satellites hold stout month. During this time, over twenty different stouts brewed by Mountain Sun are available thoughout the month along with some very nice guest taps. Tonight, as the month comes to a close, Vine Street Pub is tapping several special beers in addition to the Whiskey Ten Fidy like a Buffalo Trace barrel aged Obovoid. The barrel-aged Obovoid was a complete disappointment with a lot booze and a bit thin body.
Ten Fidy was aged in Wild Turkey barrels, as opposed to Stranahan's barrels which previous releases used. This version had a very nice roasty chocolate malty element with notes of chocolate and a bit of roastiness. The Wild Turkey barrels added a bit of sharp booze notes and didn't seem to integrate with Ten Fidy all that well. That being said, this original Ten Fidy is such a solid beer that this barrel aged version is not far off.
Aroma: 8/10, Appearance: 4/5, Taste: 8/10, Palate: 4/5, Overall: 15/20
5:45 PM MST: After a couple of additional tasters, I realize that the first returns from Michigan will be coming in within the next quarter hour, so it's time to blast home. Tom Petty's "Breakdown" comes on the air and it's the seminal version from Pack Up the Plantation. Excellent song for the ride, but I'm feeling the need to really start cutting through this traffic. Next station. Metallica's Santarium. Time to hit the gas.
Mitt Romney should be winning both of tonight's primaries by significant margins, but he's a fake douche (Ed. note: Would he be better were he a real douche?) and doing everything he can to fuck it all up. Most Republicans fucking hate Willard, but who the fuck are they going to settle for? Rick Santorum? He lost by 18 points in his last election as an incumbent! A couple of weeks back, Santorum surprisingly surged to a significant lead in Michigan despite it being Willard's home state. Of course, Willard says stupid shit like how he remembers attending a car show, which occurred nine months before he was born. Mitt was also against the bailout of the Detroit car makers, which turned out to be a huge success for Obama and saved thousands of jobs in Michigan. With the significant amount of time since the last primary, Willard's Super PAC has been going crazy dumping (pun intended) on Santorum. He and his Super PAC are loaded and time is their ally during these races. Sure enough, Santorum began to suffer in the polls, Willard retained a slight lead a couple of days ago. Yesterday and today, the polls have been effectively split on who's ahead. Nate Silver has Romney with a 57% chance of winning. The betting market, Intrade, speculates that Romney has a slightly better chance, whereas RealClearPolitics has Santorum as the winner. I'm going to go with Santorum by a hair. Arizona is expected to easily be won by Romney.
6:20 PM MST: I'm finally home and Romney's camp is already spinning the results. Democrats and Independents are allowed to vote in tonight's Michigan primary and several liberal outlets are calling on Democrats in Michigan to vote for Santorum. I imagine that there will be some troublemakers doing this Un-American act, but I doubt there's more than a thousand at most. Anal Mess Santorum should be the easier candidate for Obama to defeat, especially with Rick Santorum's recent comments that contraception is harmful (?!) to women and is against it.
6:45 PM MST: Michigan (11% reporting): Santorum 41%, Romney 38%, Paul 11%, Gingrich 7%
One really annoying thing to me about this coverage tonight is that the majority of Michigan's polls close at 6:00 PM MST, while a few close at 7:00 PM MST. MSNBC was posting results of the Michigan districts that had closed before some of the others closed. I think this could lead to bias and any results should be announced after all the polls close. Maybe it's just me.
7:17 PM MST: Michigan (39% reporting): Romney 41%, Santorum 38%, Paul 11%, Gingrich 7%
Arizona was called for Romney as soon as the polls closed there. No Surprise.
Bill O'Reilly is finally off the air on Fox Noise, so I'm switching to their coverage. The MSNBC coverage is a joke anyways with all of their shills just spouting Democratic propaganda. Even Chris Matthews, an analyst that I used to find somewhat objective, has been showing a much more liberal bias since the rise of the Tea Party. You can't be neutral on a moving train, but the dummies on MSNBC aren't even attempting any level of objectivity. Time for Fox Noise!
Megyn Kelly has this strange pet peeve that she won't let go. (Ed. note: I hope it's not regarding paunchiness, binge drinking or chest hair!) Several of the Fox Noise analysts are mentioning Mitt Romney and his home state of Michigan and Megyn Kelly jumps in and corrects them, "It's not his home state. He lives in Massachusetts! It's his native state." Shut the fuck up, lady. If you don't have anything worthwhile to contribute, then please leave the analysis to the rest of the fucking morons on your station.
9% of voters in Michigan voters were Democratic and they are going for Santorum 53% to 17% for Romney. Obviously, there's some Democratics up to mischief tonight but it's likely not play a prominent role. 36% of the vote in Michigan is now reporting, but we have some time before a winner will be announced, so let's get to our first bevearge rating of the evening.
Harpoon Levithan Belgian Quad comes in a 12 oz bottle and was picked up in Georgia by my baby brother and fellow beer connoisseur, Justin Nielsen. Harpoon is based out of Boston, Massachusetts and their offerings can be found across the East Coast. A Belgian-style Quadrupel is a strong, dark, Belgian-style ale with strong, dark fruit notes made famous by trappist breweries such as La Trappe and Westvleteren. Levithan pours a clear reddish brown appearance with a tan head that dissipates fairly quickly. There's a rich candy sugar/caramelized sugar element to the nose along with lots of dark fruit notes like plums and raisins. The flavor has a noted burnt toffee taste to go along with a dark candy sugar, raisins, Belgian yeast, and plums. Levithan finishes a little sweet with a warming finish, but it has a very smooth finish for 11.75% abv. This Quad, while not as complex as its Belgian counterparts, was done well and is very tasty.
Aroma: 8/10, Appearance: 4/5, Taste: 9/10, Palate: 4/5, Overall: 17/20
7:40 PM EST: Michigan (41% reporting): Romney 41%, Santorum 38%, Paul 12%, Gingrich 6%
We're at the really boring part of the night where there's a fair amount of the vote in, yet the race hasn't been called. I guess maybe this will liven up our stellar coverage?
8:22 PM EST: Michigan (74%): Romney 41%, Santorum 37%, Paul 12%, Gingrich 7%
Fox Noise just interrupted Rick Santorum's victory speech to announce that they were calling Michigan for Romney.
Romney is poised to squeak out a victory tonight in his home- er, native- state of Michigan, but he's coming out with a black eye and Santorum all over him. With that, let the projectile vomiting begin.
Aaron Nielsen
(Ed. Note: I'm always in favor of a pussy party.)
-CRM
4:00 PM MST: After covering numerous nights of Republican primaries and caucuses as your trusty political and beverage correspondent, I have learned a few helpful tips for those looking to join this high octane sport. First and foremost, it is very helpful to pre-game the coverage to prevent projectile vomiting. So many things come out of the mouths of these batshit crazy, neanderthal Republicans that vomiting is a common symptom for a thinking man. Now, if you believe in talking snakes, the rise of the Black Panther Party, and the need to need to arm yourself for the upcoming apocalypse, then a nice glass of ice water will do for your pre-gaming schedule. If, on the other hand, you believe in the Science, Reason, and Logic, you really need to catch a buzz to deal with these fucking losers. Interesting enough, if our coverage of the Republican primaries is a success tonight and copious amounts of booze are consumed, then projectile vomiting will ensue. The thing with projectile vomiting is that it is all about timing.
It's a bit after four o'clock and I'm ditching out of work a bit early to attend a special tapping of Oskar Blues Ten Fidy aged in Whiskey barrels. This special release is being held at Vine Street Pub in Denver, Colorado, a satellite of the Mountain Sun brewery located in Boulder, Colorado. During the month of February, Mountain Sun and its satellites hold stout month. During this time, over twenty different stouts brewed by Mountain Sun are available thoughout the month along with some very nice guest taps. Tonight, as the month comes to a close, Vine Street Pub is tapping several special beers in addition to the Whiskey Ten Fidy like a Buffalo Trace barrel aged Obovoid. The barrel-aged Obovoid was a complete disappointment with a lot booze and a bit thin body.
Ten Fidy was aged in Wild Turkey barrels, as opposed to Stranahan's barrels which previous releases used. This version had a very nice roasty chocolate malty element with notes of chocolate and a bit of roastiness. The Wild Turkey barrels added a bit of sharp booze notes and didn't seem to integrate with Ten Fidy all that well. That being said, this original Ten Fidy is such a solid beer that this barrel aged version is not far off.
Aroma: 8/10, Appearance: 4/5, Taste: 8/10, Palate: 4/5, Overall: 15/20
5:45 PM MST: After a couple of additional tasters, I realize that the first returns from Michigan will be coming in within the next quarter hour, so it's time to blast home. Tom Petty's "Breakdown" comes on the air and it's the seminal version from Pack Up the Plantation. Excellent song for the ride, but I'm feeling the need to really start cutting through this traffic. Next station. Metallica's Santarium. Time to hit the gas.
Mitt Romney should be winning both of tonight's primaries by significant margins, but he's a fake douche (Ed. note: Would he be better were he a real douche?) and doing everything he can to fuck it all up. Most Republicans fucking hate Willard, but who the fuck are they going to settle for? Rick Santorum? He lost by 18 points in his last election as an incumbent! A couple of weeks back, Santorum surprisingly surged to a significant lead in Michigan despite it being Willard's home state. Of course, Willard says stupid shit like how he remembers attending a car show, which occurred nine months before he was born. Mitt was also against the bailout of the Detroit car makers, which turned out to be a huge success for Obama and saved thousands of jobs in Michigan. With the significant amount of time since the last primary, Willard's Super PAC has been going crazy dumping (pun intended) on Santorum. He and his Super PAC are loaded and time is their ally during these races. Sure enough, Santorum began to suffer in the polls, Willard retained a slight lead a couple of days ago. Yesterday and today, the polls have been effectively split on who's ahead. Nate Silver has Romney with a 57% chance of winning. The betting market, Intrade, speculates that Romney has a slightly better chance, whereas RealClearPolitics has Santorum as the winner. I'm going to go with Santorum by a hair. Arizona is expected to easily be won by Romney.
6:20 PM MST: I'm finally home and Romney's camp is already spinning the results. Democrats and Independents are allowed to vote in tonight's Michigan primary and several liberal outlets are calling on Democrats in Michigan to vote for Santorum. I imagine that there will be some troublemakers doing this Un-American act, but I doubt there's more than a thousand at most. Anal Mess Santorum should be the easier candidate for Obama to defeat, especially with Rick Santorum's recent comments that contraception is harmful (?!) to women and is against it.
6:45 PM MST: Michigan (11% reporting): Santorum 41%, Romney 38%, Paul 11%, Gingrich 7%
One really annoying thing to me about this coverage tonight is that the majority of Michigan's polls close at 6:00 PM MST, while a few close at 7:00 PM MST. MSNBC was posting results of the Michigan districts that had closed before some of the others closed. I think this could lead to bias and any results should be announced after all the polls close. Maybe it's just me.
7:17 PM MST: Michigan (39% reporting): Romney 41%, Santorum 38%, Paul 11%, Gingrich 7%
Arizona was called for Romney as soon as the polls closed there. No Surprise.
Bill O'Reilly is finally off the air on Fox Noise, so I'm switching to their coverage. The MSNBC coverage is a joke anyways with all of their shills just spouting Democratic propaganda. Even Chris Matthews, an analyst that I used to find somewhat objective, has been showing a much more liberal bias since the rise of the Tea Party. You can't be neutral on a moving train, but the dummies on MSNBC aren't even attempting any level of objectivity. Time for Fox Noise!
Megyn Kelly has this strange pet peeve that she won't let go. (Ed. note: I hope it's not regarding paunchiness, binge drinking or chest hair!) Several of the Fox Noise analysts are mentioning Mitt Romney and his home state of Michigan and Megyn Kelly jumps in and corrects them, "It's not his home state. He lives in Massachusetts! It's his native state." Shut the fuck up, lady. If you don't have anything worthwhile to contribute, then please leave the analysis to the rest of the fucking morons on your station.
9% of voters in Michigan voters were Democratic and they are going for Santorum 53% to 17% for Romney. Obviously, there's some Democratics up to mischief tonight but it's likely not play a prominent role. 36% of the vote in Michigan is now reporting, but we have some time before a winner will be announced, so let's get to our first bevearge rating of the evening.
Harpoon Levithan Belgian Quad comes in a 12 oz bottle and was picked up in Georgia by my baby brother and fellow beer connoisseur, Justin Nielsen. Harpoon is based out of Boston, Massachusetts and their offerings can be found across the East Coast. A Belgian-style Quadrupel is a strong, dark, Belgian-style ale with strong, dark fruit notes made famous by trappist breweries such as La Trappe and Westvleteren. Levithan pours a clear reddish brown appearance with a tan head that dissipates fairly quickly. There's a rich candy sugar/caramelized sugar element to the nose along with lots of dark fruit notes like plums and raisins. The flavor has a noted burnt toffee taste to go along with a dark candy sugar, raisins, Belgian yeast, and plums. Levithan finishes a little sweet with a warming finish, but it has a very smooth finish for 11.75% abv. This Quad, while not as complex as its Belgian counterparts, was done well and is very tasty.
 |
| Harppon's Leviathan Belgian Quad |
7:40 PM EST: Michigan (41% reporting): Romney 41%, Santorum 38%, Paul 12%, Gingrich 6%
We're at the really boring part of the night where there's a fair amount of the vote in, yet the race hasn't been called. I guess maybe this will liven up our stellar coverage?
8:22 PM EST: Michigan (74%): Romney 41%, Santorum 37%, Paul 12%, Gingrich 7%
Fox Noise just interrupted Rick Santorum's victory speech to announce that they were calling Michigan for Romney.
Romney is poised to squeak out a victory tonight in his home- er, native- state of Michigan, but he's coming out with a black eye and Santorum all over him. With that, let the projectile vomiting begin.
 | |
| "Romney?! That makes me want to cough up a hairball. By the way, I support the Pussy Party." |
Aaron Nielsen
(Ed. Note: I'm always in favor of a pussy party.)
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