The Classic Rivalry
Yes, it's that time of the year again, time for the normally-placid citizens of Iowa to take sides in that fall football classic, the Iowa - Iowa State game. Let's turn to our local Iowa correspondent and Man about Town, Loren Christensen, for his commentary.
Loren, can you hear me?
Loren?
YES, CHRIS?
What are your thoughts concerning the upcoming Iowa-Iowa State game this weekend?
YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR THAT GALA EVENT, THAT BENCHMARK OF IOWA MANLIHOOD, THAT TIME HONORED TRADITION, THAT ANNUAL AUTUMN RITUAL, THAT OVERRATED PHALLIC PHENOMENON KNOWN AS "THE BIG GAME", THE CY HAWK SERIES, THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP, BRAGGIN' RIGHTS, THE YOU SUCK, THE WHO'S YER DADDY' FOOTBALL EXTRAVAGANZA TAKING PLACE THIS VERY WEEKEND IN THE FORMER STATE OF THIS GREAT IDEA CALLED THE REPUBLIC OF IOWA!!!!!
So how does the alma mater, Iowa State, look this year?
IOWA STATE IS AS GOOD OR BETTER AGAIN THIS YEAR. IT WILL BE A HARD STRUGGLE. LOTTA HYPE. ITS GOING TO BE HARD FOR IOWA STATE TO WIN IN IOWA CITY, HOWEVER, LATELY WE DO WIN THERE.
Can you offer any prognosis of the outcome?
WELL, THANKS CHRIS. THIS YEAR WILL PROVE TO BE ONE OF THE CLOSER GAMES BETWEEN THESE SCHOOLS IN THE HISTORY OF THE CLASH DUE TO THE FACT THAT BOTH SIDES HAVE AN ADEQUATE LINE TO DEFEND A MORE THAN ADEQUATE QUARTERBACK. IOWA HAS IN TATE A 21ST CENTURY ANSWER TO THE GREAT CHUCK LONG AND IOWA STATE HAS ITS SECOND CONSECUTIVE AFROOOOAMERICAN QUARTERBACK, BRETT MEYER, WHO CAN RUN JUMP AND TELL A GOOD STORY!!! BRETT CULVERSON HAS BEEN KICKING WELL FOR IOWA STATE AND IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT HE CAN'T FIND HIS ASS WITH BOTH HANDS WILL GIT ER DUN!!! THIS YEAR CHRIS, IOWA, THE PERENNIAL FAVORITE, AND SWEETHEART OF THE BLUE BLOODED CLASS HAS A DEEP TEAM OF AVERAGE COLLEGIATE PLAYERS WHILE ISU HAS A GROUP OF REAL STUDS WHICH IF INJURED HAVE NO REAL REPLACEMENTS. HEALTH, CHRIS, HEALTH, AND OUR PROUD AFRO AMERICAN HERITAGE ARE THE KEYS TO THIS VICTORY. MY PROGNOSIS: ISU35 IOWA31. BACK TO YOU IN THE FATHERLAND!!!
Thanks, Loren, and we're looking forward to your analysis of the outcome next week. Stay tuned, folks!
Loren, can you hear me?
Loren?
YES, CHRIS?
What are your thoughts concerning the upcoming Iowa-Iowa State game this weekend?
YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR THAT GALA EVENT, THAT BENCHMARK OF IOWA MANLIHOOD, THAT TIME HONORED TRADITION, THAT ANNUAL AUTUMN RITUAL, THAT OVERRATED PHALLIC PHENOMENON KNOWN AS "THE BIG GAME", THE CY HAWK SERIES, THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP, BRAGGIN' RIGHTS, THE YOU SUCK, THE WHO'S YER DADDY' FOOTBALL EXTRAVAGANZA TAKING PLACE THIS VERY WEEKEND IN THE FORMER STATE OF THIS GREAT IDEA CALLED THE REPUBLIC OF IOWA!!!!!
So how does the alma mater, Iowa State, look this year?
IOWA STATE IS AS GOOD OR BETTER AGAIN THIS YEAR. IT WILL BE A HARD STRUGGLE. LOTTA HYPE. ITS GOING TO BE HARD FOR IOWA STATE TO WIN IN IOWA CITY, HOWEVER, LATELY WE DO WIN THERE.
Can you offer any prognosis of the outcome?
WELL, THANKS CHRIS. THIS YEAR WILL PROVE TO BE ONE OF THE CLOSER GAMES BETWEEN THESE SCHOOLS IN THE HISTORY OF THE CLASH DUE TO THE FACT THAT BOTH SIDES HAVE AN ADEQUATE LINE TO DEFEND A MORE THAN ADEQUATE QUARTERBACK. IOWA HAS IN TATE A 21ST CENTURY ANSWER TO THE GREAT CHUCK LONG AND IOWA STATE HAS ITS SECOND CONSECUTIVE AFROOOOAMERICAN QUARTERBACK, BRETT MEYER, WHO CAN RUN JUMP AND TELL A GOOD STORY!!! BRETT CULVERSON HAS BEEN KICKING WELL FOR IOWA STATE AND IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT HE CAN'T FIND HIS ASS WITH BOTH HANDS WILL GIT ER DUN!!! THIS YEAR CHRIS, IOWA, THE PERENNIAL FAVORITE, AND SWEETHEART OF THE BLUE BLOODED CLASS HAS A DEEP TEAM OF AVERAGE COLLEGIATE PLAYERS WHILE ISU HAS A GROUP OF REAL STUDS WHICH IF INJURED HAVE NO REAL REPLACEMENTS. HEALTH, CHRIS, HEALTH, AND OUR PROUD AFRO AMERICAN HERITAGE ARE THE KEYS TO THIS VICTORY. MY PROGNOSIS: ISU35 IOWA31. BACK TO YOU IN THE FATHERLAND!!!
Thanks, Loren, and we're looking forward to your analysis of the outcome next week. Stay tuned, folks!
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