Back with Our Man About Town
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, citizens of the 56 nations of the free world, it is time once again to check in with our Festung Europa Iowa Correspondent and Man About Town, Loren Christensen. Loren, can you hear me?
Come over here now. Ya know I was just kidding. I never met anyone like you. Of course I will call. Hang on a second...Chris? That you???
Loren? Is that really you? You're not shouting out in ALLCAPS.
Just relax and uncle Loren will be right back. Have another toddy for the body. Oh uh, yeah Chris, after 25 years, I finally discovered the shift key.
That's wonderful, Loren, although I did tend to enjoy your ranting at the top of your lungs. Now Loren, when we talked with you last, you mentioned that you were going to be climbing some mountains on your vacation. Do you care to elaborate?
Mountains. Yes indeed, we climbed nearly every day. The kids did great!! We drank water right out of a lake at 11,000 feet. Good stuff. We also had a big cat screech right by our cabin in the middle of the night. The screech of a lynx sounds like a kid screaming. It literally bounced me to my feet from sound sleep at 3 a.m. let’s see what else??? Lots of snow this time on the trails. Katie loved it.
Wow, it must have been impressive to wake you from your slumber. Did you accost the cat with "Just get out, get the fuck out!" as is your custom when awakened unnaturally?
Na, I reserve that for my friends. Hee hee hee.
What other fun-filled activities did you and yours engage in?
The usual. Arguing with Karl, although he is a lot better than last year. Lots of restaurant dining. They have good microbrews in Colorado. By the way, that picture of me looks terrible. There has to be better footage than that. The angle makes me look like a toad.
How about this picture, is that better?
Uh, yeah, marvelous. (Sighs.)
You look like the Grand Poobah of the Venerable and Royal Order of Assholes.
Well, if the hat fits....hee hee hee!
Now, I see that your beloved daughter, Katherine The Great, is off to camp for the summer. Besides basic survival tactics and right-wing extremism, what other important things is she learning there?
She is doing the challenge course which Karen is the trainer this week. Karen is the best girl scout I have ever known, a real community volunteer. Proud of her for it. Katie is drop dead beautiful which makes me proud and apprehensive at the same time. She knows what to avoid from all her old man’s mistakes, or techniques depending how one sees it. She starts marching band as soon as camp is over and then it off to school again, sophomore style.
How is Karl doing this summer? I hope he is able to get away from the electronic circuses and get some fresh air.
Yeah, he went to camp last week and had a great time. He is as weird as his old man, and it will take time for him to become comfortable in his own skin. The thing that confuses loners is those around them always condemning their isolation frame of mind. Like Randy Weaver, though not to the extreme, people just need to understand that some of us want to be left the fuck alone, and we mean it. It’s not that we do not have a multitude of people in which we think the world, not at all. It is just that we like to think and do what we want without constantly forcing ourselves into some mold others deem more appropriate. Much to the contrary, they are the ones who are out of line for not respecting others space. It all comes down to that really, I will respect your space, so you respect mine. I understand why Plato never married and moved into the hills living off the land for years only occasionally coming into town. People are just so goddamn intrusive and rude. And insecure. They need to gain their self worth from the seeming approval of complete strangers under the guise of a friend.
I always thought that a couple of weeks on Neil's farm would do him right.
Yeah, but we do not have livestock anymore. I think next summer I will take him up on that. Karl can help with the painting business. That kind of work is perfect for the day dreamer....
Just don't go off and sign a contract to paint a hundred condominiums, unless of course, you provide Karl with such necessities as a powerful sprayer, good reefer and low-powered blotter acid.
Hee hee hee hee.
There is a lot of talk of a recession or worse brewing. From your standpoint on the front lines of major item retail, how's business?
The market is stuffed with SUV’s and trucks no one wants. Meanwhile the country is running out of cars due to demand. In the end, there will be thousands of large vehicles in the banks’ possession with no outlet. There will be a banking collapse if we cannot get oil speculation under control....
Are you still disappointed in the list of presidential contenders, or have you picked someone to support?
I can’t stand what we have been dealt, but Obama gets my vote not because I’m into him, but because McCain has no ideas at all. Franklin Roosevelt understood that action of any kind is better than no action at all. There were many failures and many successes, but ultimately, he saved folks from starvation because he knew that taking chances is what the Presidency is about, but smart chances. Calculated risk. I think Obama will take chances. So fine, if he talks to all these, “rogue nations.” We act like that is so risky. Not doing it is pigheaded and LAZY!!!! These rogue nations know damn well we may be showing “weakness” by addressing their grievances, but they also know if they try some bullshit we’ll blow ‘em off the fucking map and I would push the button myself as would many other common guys on the street. So let’s talk to these assholes, find out what they want or will accept, and cut a deal already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shouldn't that have been in ALLCAPS?
Hey, it's the kinder, gentler Loren!
I tried that myself once, and it worked for about a week. Whatever happened to your thoughts of entering the political realm? An old colleague, John Otterson, now in Colorado, asked me whether or not you were still thinking about entering politics.
Too much bullshit out there for me to get anything done. As soon as I raise my voice, people would start coming forward. Sad but true. No one wants real leadership anymore. They want to know what my favorite color is and will I play guitar on late night. They want to know that I love all people regardless of color religion or social orientation. The truth is I don’t like a good portion of them and I don’t give a damn if they like it or not. Has nothing to do with color, it has to do with the fact that they are mostly dim-witted assholes (please refer to above credo on being left alone and people respecting space). Do they respect MY space when the dedicate entire months to themselves while our ancestors that built this country aren’t even mentioned. The fact that our government our of some perverted guilt allows hate organizations to thrive while forcing boy scouts to allow gays into the barracks as leaders. That the Republican party panders to white southern bigots as though they are the key to all our salvation. Their version of Christianity is so beneath contempt that I won’t waste my time going into it. The Democrats on the other hand only pay lip service to the labor they espouse to support, while doing nothing but social agenda issues, and buying votes from special interest groups. Fuck 'em both for bringing our country to the very brink.
Both parties' officials have taken special deals on real estate to secure votes for the years preceding the current mortgage crisis. You do not hear much about it due to the aformentioned .
When the people finally realize how corrupt we’ve become, there will be hell to pay. I just hope we still have the money to cut that check.
Well, it's time to wrap things up, Loren, but it has been great chatting with you as usual.
Be good, Chris.
I shall. Thanks, Loren, for taking time to join us here today, and we hope to talk to you again soon.
Come over here now. Ya know I was just kidding. I never met anyone like you. Of course I will call. Hang on a second...Chris? That you???
Loren? Is that really you? You're not shouting out in ALLCAPS.
Just relax and uncle Loren will be right back. Have another toddy for the body. Oh uh, yeah Chris, after 25 years, I finally discovered the shift key.
That's wonderful, Loren, although I did tend to enjoy your ranting at the top of your lungs. Now Loren, when we talked with you last, you mentioned that you were going to be climbing some mountains on your vacation. Do you care to elaborate?
Mountains. Yes indeed, we climbed nearly every day. The kids did great!! We drank water right out of a lake at 11,000 feet. Good stuff. We also had a big cat screech right by our cabin in the middle of the night. The screech of a lynx sounds like a kid screaming. It literally bounced me to my feet from sound sleep at 3 a.m. let’s see what else??? Lots of snow this time on the trails. Katie loved it.
Wow, it must have been impressive to wake you from your slumber. Did you accost the cat with "Just get out, get the fuck out!" as is your custom when awakened unnaturally?
Na, I reserve that for my friends. Hee hee hee.
What other fun-filled activities did you and yours engage in?
The usual. Arguing with Karl, although he is a lot better than last year. Lots of restaurant dining. They have good microbrews in Colorado. By the way, that picture of me looks terrible. There has to be better footage than that. The angle makes me look like a toad.
How about this picture, is that better?
Uh, yeah, marvelous. (Sighs.)
You look like the Grand Poobah of the Venerable and Royal Order of Assholes.
Well, if the hat fits....hee hee hee!
Now, I see that your beloved daughter, Katherine The Great, is off to camp for the summer. Besides basic survival tactics and right-wing extremism, what other important things is she learning there?
She is doing the challenge course which Karen is the trainer this week. Karen is the best girl scout I have ever known, a real community volunteer. Proud of her for it. Katie is drop dead beautiful which makes me proud and apprehensive at the same time. She knows what to avoid from all her old man’s mistakes, or techniques depending how one sees it. She starts marching band as soon as camp is over and then it off to school again, sophomore style.
How is Karl doing this summer? I hope he is able to get away from the electronic circuses and get some fresh air.
Yeah, he went to camp last week and had a great time. He is as weird as his old man, and it will take time for him to become comfortable in his own skin. The thing that confuses loners is those around them always condemning their isolation frame of mind. Like Randy Weaver, though not to the extreme, people just need to understand that some of us want to be left the fuck alone, and we mean it. It’s not that we do not have a multitude of people in which we think the world, not at all. It is just that we like to think and do what we want without constantly forcing ourselves into some mold others deem more appropriate. Much to the contrary, they are the ones who are out of line for not respecting others space. It all comes down to that really, I will respect your space, so you respect mine. I understand why Plato never married and moved into the hills living off the land for years only occasionally coming into town. People are just so goddamn intrusive and rude. And insecure. They need to gain their self worth from the seeming approval of complete strangers under the guise of a friend.
I always thought that a couple of weeks on Neil's farm would do him right.
Yeah, but we do not have livestock anymore. I think next summer I will take him up on that. Karl can help with the painting business. That kind of work is perfect for the day dreamer....
Just don't go off and sign a contract to paint a hundred condominiums, unless of course, you provide Karl with such necessities as a powerful sprayer, good reefer and low-powered blotter acid.
Hee hee hee hee.
There is a lot of talk of a recession or worse brewing. From your standpoint on the front lines of major item retail, how's business?
The market is stuffed with SUV’s and trucks no one wants. Meanwhile the country is running out of cars due to demand. In the end, there will be thousands of large vehicles in the banks’ possession with no outlet. There will be a banking collapse if we cannot get oil speculation under control....
Are you still disappointed in the list of presidential contenders, or have you picked someone to support?
I can’t stand what we have been dealt, but Obama gets my vote not because I’m into him, but because McCain has no ideas at all. Franklin Roosevelt understood that action of any kind is better than no action at all. There were many failures and many successes, but ultimately, he saved folks from starvation because he knew that taking chances is what the Presidency is about, but smart chances. Calculated risk. I think Obama will take chances. So fine, if he talks to all these, “rogue nations.” We act like that is so risky. Not doing it is pigheaded and LAZY!!!! These rogue nations know damn well we may be showing “weakness” by addressing their grievances, but they also know if they try some bullshit we’ll blow ‘em off the fucking map and I would push the button myself as would many other common guys on the street. So let’s talk to these assholes, find out what they want or will accept, and cut a deal already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shouldn't that have been in ALLCAPS?
Hey, it's the kinder, gentler Loren!
I tried that myself once, and it worked for about a week. Whatever happened to your thoughts of entering the political realm? An old colleague, John Otterson, now in Colorado, asked me whether or not you were still thinking about entering politics.
Too much bullshit out there for me to get anything done. As soon as I raise my voice, people would start coming forward. Sad but true. No one wants real leadership anymore. They want to know what my favorite color is and will I play guitar on late night. They want to know that I love all people regardless of color religion or social orientation. The truth is I don’t like a good portion of them and I don’t give a damn if they like it or not. Has nothing to do with color, it has to do with the fact that they are mostly dim-witted assholes (please refer to above credo on being left alone and people respecting space). Do they respect MY space when the dedicate entire months to themselves while our ancestors that built this country aren’t even mentioned. The fact that our government our of some perverted guilt allows hate organizations to thrive while forcing boy scouts to allow gays into the barracks as leaders. That the Republican party panders to white southern bigots as though they are the key to all our salvation. Their version of Christianity is so beneath contempt that I won’t waste my time going into it. The Democrats on the other hand only pay lip service to the labor they espouse to support, while doing nothing but social agenda issues, and buying votes from special interest groups. Fuck 'em both for bringing our country to the very brink.
Both parties' officials have taken special deals on real estate to secure votes for the years preceding the current mortgage crisis. You do not hear much about it due to the aformentioned .
When the people finally realize how corrupt we’ve become, there will be hell to pay. I just hope we still have the money to cut that check.
Well, it's time to wrap things up, Loren, but it has been great chatting with you as usual.
Be good, Chris.
I shall. Thanks, Loren, for taking time to join us here today, and we hope to talk to you again soon.
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