'Tis the Season to Rant and Rave
Season's Greetings, ladies and gentlemen, dear readers worldwide!
As everyone is bustling and hustling to prepare for their familiar holiday celebrations, it is a good time to check in once again with our Iowa correspondent and Man About Town, Loren Christensen, to see how his holiday preparations are coming along. Loren, can you hear me?
YOU'D LOOK PRETTY GOOD IN THIS ELF COSTUME. WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT ON?
Uh, Loren, excuse me, can you hear me?
LET SANTA GIVE YOU YOUR PRESENT, BABY. SAY "HO FUCKING HO!"
Hello, Loren, it's Chris again from Festung Europa, checking in with you regarding your American Christmas festivities. Are you there?
YES, I SUPPOSE I AM. THESE EXISTENTIAL QUESTIONS SEND ME INTO A TAIL SPIN.
Loren, we'd like to hear about your holiday preparations at home and in the workplace.
BLAH BLAH BLAH. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...........
Uh, OK...
LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING. I CAN THINK OF ABOUT ONE OR TWO THOUSAND THINGS OFF OF THE TOP O' MY HEAD.
LET'S TALK ABOUT HOLIDAY PARTIES.
LET'S TALK ABOUT "SECULAR CHRISTMAS CELEBRATIONS" BY OTHER RELIGIONS.
LET'S TALK ABOUT "WINTER CONCERTS" RATHER THAN CHRISTMAS PROGRAMS
LET'S TALK ABOUT HANUKAH AWARENESS OR RAMADAN.
LET'S TALK ABOUT INCLUSIVENESS.
LET'S TALK ABOUT EVERYBODY GETTING TO BE IN EVERYTHING.
LET'S HAVE A BASKETBALL GAME AND EVERYONE WILL GET TO WIN AS NO SCORE IS TO BE TALLIED.
LET'S HAVE A PLAY AND EVERYONE GETS TO BE THE STAR.
LET'S MAKE A CLUB THAT EVERYONE GET'S TO BE IN AND WE ARE ALL IN CHARGE.
LET'S TELL EVERYONE THAT THE SUN IS YELLOW UNLESS YOU DON'T LIKE THAT , THEN IT CAN BE ANY COLOR THAT WILL SUIT ITS BEHOLDER.
LET'S HOLD PARTIES FOR PEOPLE THAT DON'T WANT TO BE THERE, HOSTED BY PEOPLE WHO THINK THROWING THEM IS A NECESSARY PAIN TO BE ENDURED FOR MORALE.
IN SHORT, LET'S TALK ABOUT ANYTHING AS LONG AS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION TO NOT LET DETAILS OF SUBSTANCE GET IN OUR WAY. LET'S HAVE AN ECONOMY RUN ON A SCALE OF DEBT NEVER SEEN IN HISTORY PRIOR AND BASE OUR SUCCESS OFF OF INDIVIDUAL'S PURCHASING POWER WITH THIS RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF BUILDING DEBT.
BUY THIS SHIT FER YER COUNTRY AND DON'T COMPLICATE THIS HOLIDAY WITH ALL THAT GOD CRAP. LET'S KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID.
MERRY WHATEVER.
Uh, alright, well, thanks again Loren for your interesting and perhaps unique insight into this festive time of year. We'll be checking in with you later to see how you survived. God bless us, God bless us every one!
As everyone is bustling and hustling to prepare for their familiar holiday celebrations, it is a good time to check in once again with our Iowa correspondent and Man About Town, Loren Christensen, to see how his holiday preparations are coming along. Loren, can you hear me?
YOU'D LOOK PRETTY GOOD IN THIS ELF COSTUME. WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT ON?
Uh, Loren, excuse me, can you hear me?
LET SANTA GIVE YOU YOUR PRESENT, BABY. SAY "HO FUCKING HO!"
Hello, Loren, it's Chris again from Festung Europa, checking in with you regarding your American Christmas festivities. Are you there?
YES, I SUPPOSE I AM. THESE EXISTENTIAL QUESTIONS SEND ME INTO A TAIL SPIN.
Loren, we'd like to hear about your holiday preparations at home and in the workplace.
BLAH BLAH BLAH. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...........
Uh, OK...
LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING. I CAN THINK OF ABOUT ONE OR TWO THOUSAND THINGS OFF OF THE TOP O' MY HEAD.
LET'S TALK ABOUT HOLIDAY PARTIES.
LET'S TALK ABOUT "SECULAR CHRISTMAS CELEBRATIONS" BY OTHER RELIGIONS.
LET'S TALK ABOUT "WINTER CONCERTS" RATHER THAN CHRISTMAS PROGRAMS
LET'S TALK ABOUT HANUKAH AWARENESS OR RAMADAN.
LET'S TALK ABOUT INCLUSIVENESS.
LET'S TALK ABOUT EVERYBODY GETTING TO BE IN EVERYTHING.
LET'S HAVE A BASKETBALL GAME AND EVERYONE WILL GET TO WIN AS NO SCORE IS TO BE TALLIED.
LET'S HAVE A PLAY AND EVERYONE GETS TO BE THE STAR.
LET'S MAKE A CLUB THAT EVERYONE GET'S TO BE IN AND WE ARE ALL IN CHARGE.
LET'S TELL EVERYONE THAT THE SUN IS YELLOW UNLESS YOU DON'T LIKE THAT , THEN IT CAN BE ANY COLOR THAT WILL SUIT ITS BEHOLDER.
LET'S HOLD PARTIES FOR PEOPLE THAT DON'T WANT TO BE THERE, HOSTED BY PEOPLE WHO THINK THROWING THEM IS A NECESSARY PAIN TO BE ENDURED FOR MORALE.
IN SHORT, LET'S TALK ABOUT ANYTHING AS LONG AS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION TO NOT LET DETAILS OF SUBSTANCE GET IN OUR WAY. LET'S HAVE AN ECONOMY RUN ON A SCALE OF DEBT NEVER SEEN IN HISTORY PRIOR AND BASE OUR SUCCESS OFF OF INDIVIDUAL'S PURCHASING POWER WITH THIS RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF BUILDING DEBT.
BUY THIS SHIT FER YER COUNTRY AND DON'T COMPLICATE THIS HOLIDAY WITH ALL THAT GOD CRAP. LET'S KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID.
MERRY WHATEVER.
Uh, alright, well, thanks again Loren for your interesting and perhaps unique insight into this festive time of year. We'll be checking in with you later to see how you survived. God bless us, God bless us every one!
Comments