The Mark Kingsley Show: Conclusion
(Orchestra ends commercial set with Wall of Death)
(applause)
Mark: Super, super, folks. Happy Spring to you and to you folks viewing us on GBCN! We’re here with Ostara, the Goddess of Spring, world religion’s expert, Ted Solomon and Festung Europa astronomer, Vincent Norby. So, Vincent, what is coming up in the heavens in the month of April?
Vincent: Well, there is a full moon on Monday, April 2nd, and of course, the Christian holiday of Easter falls on the Sunday thereafter.
Mark: What is the deal with that again, eh?
Vincent: Well, Easter is a moveable feast, in that the date of Easter changes from year to year. It falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox.
Mark: I see. What is the name of this moon?
Vincent: What do you mean, Mark?
Mark: Well, Vincent, in the fall they have the Harvest Moon, made famous by one of our Canadian brethren, Neil Young, eh. Does this moon have a name?
Vincent: The native tribes of the American continent have a few names for the April full moon. One is Full Pink Moon, which refers to colour of the blooming wild ground phlox; another is Full Sprouting Grass Moon, which of course refers to another natural phenomenon of this time.
Ostara: Don’t forget the Germanic, Ostaramanoth, or Ostermond, Vincent.
(laughter)
Vincent: Yes, of course, the various Germanic tribes named it after YOU!
Mark: That's lovely, just like you, Ostara!
(applause)
Ostara: Thank you.
Ted: (puffs on pipe): And don’t forget the Hindus, Vincent. Th-th-they celebrate the festival of Hanuman Jayanti, commemorating the birth of the monkey god, Hanuman. It is also a lunar festival, coinciding with the full moon in April.
Vincent: Yes, that’s right.
Mark: Interesting. I find this all extremely interesting, eh. And I wish we could continue, but alas, the time has come to end another show.
(ahs from audience)
Ted: (puffs on pipe) Well, I’ve had a wonderful time, Mark. Th-th-thanks for inviting me!
Mark: You’re welcome, Ted. I look forward to a game of pool tomorrow evening!
Ted: Wonderful!
Mark: But before we go, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for a world premiere here on The Mark Kingsley Show. Hermann, are you ready?
Hermann: Jawohl, Mark!
Mark: Great. Folks, I give you the Hermann Göring Orchestra, performing their interpretation of an old Beatles’ hit and available on their new, Das Weisse Album, Zurück in die UdSSR!
(applause)
Hermann: Danke, danke schön. (steps up to old-style radio microphone, three blond, pig-tailed back up singers in BDM dress are behind him) Eins, zwei, drei, vier!
(Orchestra kicks in with Back in the USSR, big band style, Hermann grabs mike and starts singing)
Flog nach Miami Beach BOAC
Ging gestern Nacht nicht ins Bett
Auf dem weg war das Tütchen auf meinem Knie
Mann, mein Flug war schlecht
Ich bin zurück in die UdSSR
Ihr wisst nicht wie glücklich ihr seid, Jungs
Zurück in die UdSSR!
War so lange weg ich wusste gar nichts mehr
Mensch, es ist schön zu Hause zu sein
Ich hatte doch mein Heimweh sehr
Schatzi, brech aus den Wein
Ich bin zurück in die UdSSR
Ihr wisst nicht wie glücklich ihr seid, Jungs
Zurück in die UdSSR!
O die ukrainischen Mädchen, die sind so schön
Ich liebe ihren blonden Zopf
Und Moskauer Mädchen zwingen mich zum Sang
And Georgien ist immer in mein, mein, mein, mein, mein, mein Kopf!
O, komm schon!
(Gitarre solo)
Ich bin zurück in die UdSSR
Ihr wisst nicht wie glücklich ihr seid, Jungs
Zurück in die UdSSR!
O die ukrainischen Mädchen, die sind so schön
Ich liebe ihren blonden Zopf
Und Moskauer Mädchen zwingen mich zum Sang
And Georgien ist immer in mein, mein, mein, mein, mein, mein Kopf!
O, zeig mir deine Schneegipfel
Im Süden entlang
Gehen wir zum Papas Farm
Ich höre deiner Balalaikas schönen Klang
Komm, mach deinen Kamerad warm
Ich bin zurück in die UdSSR
Ihr wisst nicht wie glücklich ihr seid, Jungs
Zurück in die UdSSR!
Oh, ich möchte dir sagen, Schatzi!
Ich bin zurück!
(Ooo Ooo Ooo chorus from back-up)
(Orchestra wraps up with a crescendo. Wild applause from audience. Hermann, sweating profusely, hair in face, bows, motions to the back-up singers and lead guitarist, Joey Go Bells, to bow as well)
(applause continues)
Mark: Wow! I love it! Ladies and gentlemen, that’s it for another episode of The Mark Kingsley Show. I’d like to thank my guests: Ostara, Goddess of Spring, Dr. Ted Solomon, and Professor Vincent Norby. And thanks as well to our musical guests, Eddie Puss and da Mudderfuggers and, of course, our very own, Hermann Göring Orchestra! It’s been a pleasure, eh. We’ll be back soon from the lovely Prospector Theatre in beautiful Uranium City, Saskatchewan! Thanks for watching.
(applause continues, camera pans stage and orchestra)
Dick: This has been a GBCN production. I’m Dick Dorkmeier.
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