The Mark Kingsley Show: Musical Interlude

(Orchestra wraps up with whitechocolatespaceegg.)

(applause)

Mark: Thanks, Hermann! Thanks, everybody! We’re back from Uranium City’s lovely Prospector Theatre with Ostara, Goddess of Spring and Ted Solomon, ladies and gentlemen. Vincent Norby will be out in a few moments to ring in the season with us. So, how did you like our complementary cocktail bar, Ted?

Ted: Superb! I-I-I liked the imported German Weizen.

Mark: Yeah, we have our Festung Europa connection to thank for that, eh.

Ted: Wonderful!

Mark: Folks, our next guests were on the program a couple of years ago, eh. Now they are back with a new album (holds up CD), Varmit’s Vomit, available in fine underground establishments throughout the fifty-six countries of the free world. Please welcome that great psychobilly ensemble, Eddie Puss and da Mudderfuggers, with their new number, Night Train to Prague!

(applause)

(Meanwhile the band had assembled in front of the HGO. The band members are:
Eddie Puss: Lead vocal and guitar
S.E. Lush: Lead Guitar
Hugh Menides: Upright Bass Guitar
Sophie Cleese: Drums)

Ran into the station
At a quarter of ten
Whisky flask in my pocket
Paper, notebook and pen
Got my ticket at the counter
And bolted to the train
Jumped on the last car
As it left in the rain

Hallways overflowing
Café car's full too
“Excuse me!”
“Is someone sitting there?”
“Yes, he’s on the loo.”
Finally found an empty seat
In a stuffy, darkened room
As I glanced to the left and right
I realized my doom

I’m on the night train to Prague
My companion is a dog
His tongue laps, his tail wags
Did he just piss on my bags?
The odor is wet and funky
I’d rather be with a monkey
Sniffing distraction
Drippy licking action
Digestive contraction
My dry heave reaction
I’d prefer a smack junkie

Up, about and moving again,
Stumbling through the halls
Can’t sleep, can’t read, can’t find a seat
Just bouncing off the walls
Ah, there’s an open car
It seems there’s one place left
I hurry up and sit right down
Then realize my neighbor’s heft

I’m on the night train to Prague
My companion is a hog
He likes tortes, éclairs and cakes
Cream on top, for goodness sakes
I try to move aside
But he’s extremely wide.
Overweight affliction
Hunger like addiction
Roominess constriction
A queasy malediction
Overwhelming every side

Oh I can’t take this anymore
I’m nauseous and weak
Just give me a place to relax and stretch
And no one with whom to speak
A final compartment, a final chance
The last place on the train
I pull back the curtain and seat myself
Next to cheap cologne champagne

I’m on the night train to Prague
My companion is a frog
He likes fries and wine and flies
It’s funny when he tries
To get ladies to his pad
Because his English is so bad
Limited connection
Misguided erection
Nasty-ass infection
Nasally inflection
He’s one obnoxious lad.

I’m on the night train to Prague
Should have stayed in Den Haag
No rest, no sleep, no piece of mind
Just weariness you’ll find
It’s cramped and damp as well
Worse than a detention cell
European dysfunction
Technical malfunction
Deep-seated compunction
Give me extreme unction
On this one-way trip to hell

(applause)

Mark: (has gotten up to shake hands with band) Eddie Puss and da Mudderfuggers, ladies and gentlemen! We’ll be right back with Professor Vincent Norby!

(continued applause)