Election Update II
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the Friday before Tuesday's American mid-term elections, and to get our finger on the collective pulse of the American public, let's tune in once again to our Iowa correspondent and Man about Town, Loren Christensen. Loren, are you there?
YEAH, I'M FUCKING HERE. NOW WHAT???
How are the Iowa gubernatorial and congressional contests shaping up on this weekend before the election?
OH, THAT. WELL, CHRIS, WATCHING THIS YEAR'S ELECTION DEBACLE IS ABOUT AS UNPREDICTABLE AS NON-DEVIANT INTERCOURSE WITH GRATUITOUS FOREPLAY FOLLOWED BY A MEDIOCRE CLIMAX ONLY TO FIND OUT YER OUTTA SMOKES.
Do you have any predictions of outcomes?
I PREDICT THAT CHET CULVER, THE QUINTESSENTIAL SIX-PACK BOY, WILL RUN OFF WITH THE ELECTION SIMPLY BECAUSE NUSSLE IS AN ORGANIZED BORE. LOOK AT THE DATA:
CULVER: JOCK
NUSSLE: EX-MUSICIAN, SCRIPTURE QUOTER. (YAWN) THANK GOD FOR PAT ROBERTSON RERUNS.
CULVER: EX HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER
NUSSLE: RUBBER STAMP ABORIGINAL BUSHMAN, ATTORNEY. "STAY THE COURSE" WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
CULVER: STATE POLITICIAN
NUSSLE: ANOTHER WASHINGTON, OUTTA TOUCH POLITICO WANTING TO COME SHOW US DUMBASS SIMPLETONS HOW THE BIG BOYS DO IT. DO WHAT? HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD FROM LAST YEARS SESSION. MY STEPFATHER, IVAN, AND I HAVE MADE MORE PROGRESS FOR THIS COUNTRY. BY THE WAY, I THINK HARKIN IS EVEN WORSE IN THAT REGARD.
Are the advertisements for candidates as misleading and underhanded as are made out in the media?
MORE OF THE SAME. THE CONTEST IS SO BORING THAT THE MEDIA MUST POUR OVER THE ADS ETC. JUST TO FIND SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT.(DOUBLE YAWN)
Do you think that the Democrats will gain control of both houses of the US Congress?
REPUBLICANS HOLD THE US SENATE, DEMS GET THE HOW. TIP O'NEAL, WHERE ARE YOU???
What, if any, contemporary historical impact will these elections have, i.e. how will they be remembered 10 -15 years from now?
I THINK BUSH WILL GO INTO HISTORY AS KIND OF A COMBINATION OF HOWARD TAFT AND WARREN HARDING, ONE STUBBORN, ILL-INFORMED AND AN INSULT TO HIS PARTY, AND THE OTHER A BEFUDDLED, FRUSTRATED MAN WHO WISHED HE NEVER WOULD HAVE OPENED HIS MOUTH. "THIS IS ONE HELL OF A JOB."
Thanks to you, Loren, for your insightful, colorful commentary. We'll be checking in again with you next Wednesday to review the results!
YEAH, I'M FUCKING HERE. NOW WHAT???
How are the Iowa gubernatorial and congressional contests shaping up on this weekend before the election?
OH, THAT. WELL, CHRIS, WATCHING THIS YEAR'S ELECTION DEBACLE IS ABOUT AS UNPREDICTABLE AS NON-DEVIANT INTERCOURSE WITH GRATUITOUS FOREPLAY FOLLOWED BY A MEDIOCRE CLIMAX ONLY TO FIND OUT YER OUTTA SMOKES.
Do you have any predictions of outcomes?
I PREDICT THAT CHET CULVER, THE QUINTESSENTIAL SIX-PACK BOY, WILL RUN OFF WITH THE ELECTION SIMPLY BECAUSE NUSSLE IS AN ORGANIZED BORE. LOOK AT THE DATA:
CULVER: JOCK
NUSSLE: EX-MUSICIAN, SCRIPTURE QUOTER. (YAWN) THANK GOD FOR PAT ROBERTSON RERUNS.
CULVER: EX HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER
NUSSLE: RUBBER STAMP ABORIGINAL BUSHMAN, ATTORNEY. "STAY THE COURSE" WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
CULVER: STATE POLITICIAN
NUSSLE: ANOTHER WASHINGTON, OUTTA TOUCH POLITICO WANTING TO COME SHOW US DUMBASS SIMPLETONS HOW THE BIG BOYS DO IT. DO WHAT? HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD FROM LAST YEARS SESSION. MY STEPFATHER, IVAN, AND I HAVE MADE MORE PROGRESS FOR THIS COUNTRY. BY THE WAY, I THINK HARKIN IS EVEN WORSE IN THAT REGARD.
Are the advertisements for candidates as misleading and underhanded as are made out in the media?
MORE OF THE SAME. THE CONTEST IS SO BORING THAT THE MEDIA MUST POUR OVER THE ADS ETC. JUST TO FIND SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT.(DOUBLE YAWN)
Do you think that the Democrats will gain control of both houses of the US Congress?
REPUBLICANS HOLD THE US SENATE, DEMS GET THE HOW. TIP O'NEAL, WHERE ARE YOU???
What, if any, contemporary historical impact will these elections have, i.e. how will they be remembered 10 -15 years from now?
I THINK BUSH WILL GO INTO HISTORY AS KIND OF A COMBINATION OF HOWARD TAFT AND WARREN HARDING, ONE STUBBORN, ILL-INFORMED AND AN INSULT TO HIS PARTY, AND THE OTHER A BEFUDDLED, FRUSTRATED MAN WHO WISHED HE NEVER WOULD HAVE OPENED HIS MOUTH. "THIS IS ONE HELL OF A JOB."
Thanks to you, Loren, for your insightful, colorful commentary. We'll be checking in again with you next Wednesday to review the results!
Comments
Dude! I can hear LC ranting as I read your anticipated report- I received an email from him, just one, but it was all CAPS and you capture that as well.