Back to Saskatchewan Mailbag

Greetings, dear readers of Festung Europa and GBCN viewers throughout the fifty-six countries of the free world! It is I, Mark Kingsley, Camouflage Mariner, once again coming to you from the cold, beautiful north shore of Lake Athabasca, Saskatchewan. And it is darn cold here in the North Country, eh, ladies and gentlemen, so cold in fact that the proverbial Eskimo pussy is looking mighty tropical in comparison. But seriously folks, Inuit intimacy aside, we are staying close to the home fires these days.

Before we dig into this week's mailbag, here is a brief word from our sponsor, eh...

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Let's dig into the Back to Saskatchewan Mailbag folks and see what our dear readers and viewers have written. Oh, here is a letter from the dark continent. It reads:

Dear Defensemaster,

I am a user of Microsoft's Internet Explorer, and I have noticed some technical problems with your text. For example, some of your blog posts have had HTML script popping up between the text. How can I avoid this?

Thanks,

Ned in Nigeria

Dear Ned,

Well, that certainly isn't very conducive to your reading pleasure. And we take your pleasure very seriously here at Festung Europa. Before you go off writing a nasty letter to Bill Gates, my workaround suggestion is this: download the free Mozilla Firefox internet browser. Open source rules, my friend, and Firefox is how we test our product before publication. And in the meantime, we will also take a closer look at this issue to perhaps resolve it, so that our Internet Explorer readers and viewers can enjoy Festung Europa just as much as everyone else. Thanks for bringing this issue to our attention.

Oh, our next letter looks official, eh. Holy smokes, folks, this thing is in code! Lucky I brought my official Stingray Regime Medusa decoding ring, available at fine underground jewelers and military surplus stores worldwide. Let's see...ah, that's it. Oh my, it is a letter AND an attached photograph from Gonar, Gatekeeper Of The Outer Galaxy, straight from his covert bunker complex in Aquaburg. He writes:

MEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSA


Dear Defensemaster,

Whilst going deep undercover into the Xarlon Metroplex last summer, I did encounter some Xarlon holographic technology which was interesting. This Xarlon approached me with what appeared to be an attempt at disguising itself as the Mystic Master, but all he could pull off was a dreadfully cartoonish and fiendishly oversized rendition of his pear-shaped head. I scanned it, and after months in my lab analyzing the data I have determined it is nothing to worry about at this point. This confirms my initial impression of the situation, and as you can see from the scan, my guffaws at this creature let him know that we are not to be trifled with when it comes to hologram technology. However, we should not let our guard down, especially if their technology is only about twenty-five earth years behind ours.

Hail Stingray!


Gonar, Gatekeeper of the Outer Galaxy


MEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSA

MEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSA

My Dear Gonar,

Thank you for this update. Yes, these Xarlon scum are quite a bit behind our current holographic technology. This is even worse than Mark Kingsley's holographic apparition in his last show, and that, quite frankly, was an embarassment. This current Xarlon stuff doesn't even come up to the level of Mr. Hologram version 1.0! But you are still lucky to have escaped from this creature alive. Beware! Be aware.

Still, I agree with your assessment; we must keep developing our technology in the face of this threat. Where Technomaster, o where art thou? We need you! Besides, an intoxicated winter joyride in his Urban Assault Vehicle would be much appreciated.

Keep me appraised of the situation, Gonar!

Hail Stingray!

DMSR

MEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSAMEDUSA

Well, I don't know if I would call that an "embarassment"... anyhow, folks, thanks for tuning in again to this week's Back to Saskatchewan Mailbag. It's been a pleasure, eh. This is Mark Kingsley reporting to you from downright chilly, yet beautiful Uranium City!