The Mark Kingsley Show: H-shoes for A-holes
(Orchestra wraps up a big band version of Purple Haze)
(applause)
Mark: We’re back with that Man about Town, Loren Christensen. Peter Lou Demerius, that Master Chef and Explosives Expert, will be with us live via holographic link to the Condor 7000 in just a bit.
Loren: GOOD, I’M HUNGRY.
Mark: It isn’t even 3 o’clock yet and time for your feeding, Loren.
Loren: (giggling) HE HE HE.
Mark: Folks, it is my pleasure to introduce to you a brand new musical group from down under, that is, down under Saskatchewan. From Bismarck, North Dakota, please join me in welcoming to the stage, H-shoes for A-holes, with the title track from their new album, “Picnic”.
(The band enters from behind the curtain. They are all dressed in Euro-soccer, track suit attire with Beatle mop-tops, except for lead guitar, who is in pig-tails. The line up is as follows:
Lead Singer and Rhythm Guitar: Fred Great
Lead Guitar and Backing Vocals: Kate Great
Bass and Backing Vocals: Alex Great
Keyboard and Backing Vocals: Pete Great
Drums: Steve)
Summertime’s made for kickin’ back
(drums alone…1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8)
It’s my picnic!
Backing vocals: Piiiiiiiiic-Niiiiiiiiiiic
Don’t be a cheese dick!
Backing vocals: Cheeeeese-Diiiiiiiick
It’s my picnic!
Backing vocals: Piiiiiiiiic-Niiiiiiiiiiic
You make me sick!
You think that you’re so cool,
Such cultivated stuff,
Too good for outdoor games,
For playing in the rough,
But can’t you see you’ve pissed me off
And I have had enough?
It’s my picnic!
Backing vocals: Piiiiiiiiic-Niiiiiiiiiiic
Don’t be a cheese dick!
Backing vocals: Cheeeeese-Diiiiiiiick
It’s my picnic!
Backing vocals: Piiiiiiiiic-Niiiiiiiiiiic
You make me sick!
(Guitar solo)
So you leave me sittin’ here
Alone in my chips and dip.
Cole slaw and lemonade,
Chocolate brownies for the trip.
Why do you keep insulting me
And givin’ me the slip?
It’s my picnic!
Backing vocals: Piiiiiiiiic-Niiiiiiiiiiic
Don’t be a cheese dick!
Backing vocals: Cheeeeese-Diiiiiiiick
It’s my picnic!
Backing vocals: Piiiiiiiiic-Niiiiiiiiiiic
You make me sick!
It’s my picnic!
Backing vocals: Piiiiiiiiic-Niiiiiiiiiiic
Don’t be a cheese dick!
Backing vocals: Cheeeeese-Diiiiiiiick
It’s my picnic!
Backing vocals: Piiiiiiiiic-Niiiiiiiiiiic
You make me sick!
(Music fades. Applause. Mark walks over to shake hands with the band.)
Mark: H-shoes for A-holes, ladies and gentlemen! We’ll be right back with Peter Lou Demerius and his yummy delights, eh.
(applause continues)
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