E.J. Ra - The Enthusiast! - A Disturbing Development I

(Elton John’s Crocodile Rock plays. Camera pans over the nighttime cityscape, moving around skyscrapers until finally zooming in on E.J. Ra’s apartment building. Additional titles roll…)

A Disturbing Development

With Special Guest Star

David Bowie as Gottfried Onar

(The scene is the bedroom in E.J.’s apartment. It is Friday night, and he is tossing and turning, due to the extremely loud music (still Crocodile Rock) blaring from Todd Bainbridge’s apartment next door. One eye open, he glances at his wind-up alarm clock, where the glow-in-the-dark dial indicates it is 1:30 a.m. Sleep seems impossible, so E.J. gets up, takes a quick drink of water from a glass on the nightstand, and, dressed only in his gold chains, looks around for his robe. Quickly dressing, he glances in on the still-sleeping Billy in the next room, smiles faintly and then goes to the door. Opening the eight different locks to the small, inner-city apartment, he grabs his keys, slips into thongs and exits. Rapping loudly on Todd’s door, no one answers. E.J. pounds harder…)

(Door opens. The room is filled with lots of dancing dudes and chest hair.)

Todd: Well if it isn’t E.J. Ra, how do, neighbor? Lookie boys, it is E.J. Ra!

(Several dancing men stop to gaze at E.J. in his robe. One winks and several “ooohs” are heard.)

E.J. (embarassed and half-heartedly angry): Dammit, Todd, it is one-thirty in the morning!

Todd: Oh, did we wake you up? We’ll while your up, E.J., why don’t you come in and have a drink. Didn’t you get my invitation?

E.J. (lying): Uh, no, I don’t seem to recall getting one.

Todd: That certainly IS funny, I thought I deposited one under your door just last week.

E.J.: No, I never got it.

Todd: Well, come on in, man! Would you like a, uh, nightcap?

E.J.: Aw no, Todd, could you turn it down a bit?

Todd: Sure, sure. But how about a little drinkie?

E.J. (gives up): OK, OK, just one drink. You guys are so loud I can’t sleep anyway.

Todd: (laughs) Billy seems to be making it through the racket.

E.J.: Thank goodness he is, or I’d have to kick your asses.

Todd: (chuckles) I am sure there are a few guys here who would like a good spanking.

Dancing dude 1: Did someone mention a spanking?

E.J.: (embarassed) Could we just get that drink, Todd?

Todd: Sure, sure, come on in to the kitchen. What is your poison? Scotch, I bet.

E.J.: Single malt would be super…and make it a double.

Todd: No problemo, neighbor!

(They make their way through the crowd in this lofty, much larger apartment than E.J.’s. Todd’s good taste as an interior decorator is evident in the mod furnishings. They enter the kitchen…)

Trish: (dressed smartly in black cocktail dress) Gee, Ra, I would have expected you at least to put on a shirt for the occasion.

E.J. (turning slightly red): Hi, Trish.

Trish: Did we wake him up, Todd?

Todd: (looking for the Scotch) Yeah, isn’t that great?!

Trish: It is. It's Friday night, after all, in our illustrious Metroplex, Ra, and I am surprised you aren’t out on the town.

E.J.: I had papers to grade.

Trish: And you couldn’t do it later during the weekend?

E.J.: I have a full schedule.

Trish: (interestedly) And what might that be, Ra?

E.J.: Martial arts tomorrow morning, youth basketball tomorrow afternoon, art seminar tomorrow night, church services Sunday morning, dinner with my Nonna…

Trish: (holds up hands) OK, OK, you’ve convinced me, chap.

Todd: Glenfidditch, OK, E.J.?

E.J.: Super.

(Todd pours him a double and hands it over.)

E.J.: Thanks, Todd.

Todd: No problemo, hon. (raises glass) I propose a toast…to neighbors!

E.J. and Trish: (raising glasses) To neighbors!

(Each takes a drink, Todd from his daiquiri, Trish from her bloody mary and E.J. from his Scotch.)

Trish: (forwardly) So, when are you going to invite me over for dinner, Ra?

E.J.: (avoidingly) Uh, I don’t know, Trish. I’m pretty busy.

Trish: Aw come on, Ra, you can put one of your hobbies on hold and cook up something Italian and romantic.

Todd: Oh my God, E.J., could you invite me over, too!

E.J.: Like I said, guys, I’m pretty busy. With school and my other activities, my plate is full.

Trish: (flirtingly): Perhaps there’s a little room on your plate for dessert, Ra?

E.J.: (looking away) Hey, Todd. Let’s check out your album collection.

Todd: (touching E.J.’s arm) Oh, E.J. you have just GOT to hear my new Bread album!

E.J.: (relieved) Sure, Todd. Let's check it out.

(Trish looks on disappointedly as Todd and E.J. make their way toward the hi-fi in the other room. She gulps down the rest of her drink in one big slurp.)

(Fade to black.)