E.J. Ra - The Enthusiast! - A Disturbing Development VII

(Scene is Trish’s apartment. Todd and Lydia have already left for the evening, and Trish and Billy are getting ready for bed.)

Trish: (rumaging through drawer) I think I have still have E.J.’s spare keys here somewhere, Billy. Then I’ll go over and get your pajamas, toothbrush and some clothes for tomorrow.

Billy (watching Love and Danger rerun on GBCN, the blue light from the TV screen fills his face as he stares straight ahead) OK.

Trish: Do you want to come with me? (finds keys)

Billy: (fascinated by television, pops crispy Cheeto in mouth and talks while chewing) Naa, that’s OK.

Trish: (wishing she didn’t have to go alone, sighs) Alright then. I’ll be right back.

(Trish grabs her keys as well as she goes out into the dark hallway. Fumbling for the light, she finds it. The weak incandescent bulb accents the dim dinginess of the hallway. She walks pasts Todd’s doorway and then comes to E.J.’s door. After opening the series of locks, she enters, and turns on the light.)

Trish: (screams) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

E.J.: (wakes up, lying on couch, still dressed, and screams) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Trish: Ahhhh! Jeezus, Ra, you scared the crap out of me! (puts hand over heart) Where the hell have you been?! We’ve been worried sick about you!

(At this point, Todd bursts into the room, sliding to a stop on the wooden floor, wearing just his gold chains and speedo style underwear and brandishing a pool cue.)

Todd: Holy smokes, E.J.! Where the heck have you been? We saw the police apprehend you. (notices mood ring) Hey, groovy mood ring, by the way.

E.J.: (sitting up, rubs back of head, grimaces): Thanks, Todd. I’ve been, well, talking to the authorities.

Trish: (somewhat miffed) I was at Precinct 21, E.J. They had absolutely no record of you being in custody whatsoever!

E.J.: I was, uh, at the main station, I think.

Trish: Why didn’t you call us with your one phone call?

E.J.: I, I was going to, then, after a lot of questioning, they let me go.

Todd: Well, we sure are glad to see you back, in any case. What was up with that whole deal on the street anyway?

E.J.: Aw, I just got mugged by some punks as I was getting a newspaper. Nothing more. Luckily, the cops came along quickly. The thugs were apprehended, and the cops just needed me to fill out some forms and such.

Trish: So you weren’t a suspect? I saw you being taken away in cuffs.

E.J.: That was just the reaction of the cops. They just put us all in custody at first. After they had taken us all away and questioned us, they booked those dudes and let me go.

Trish: So no charges were pressed against you?

E.J.: No, but I assume they’ll eventually subpoena me as a witness.

Trish: (relieved, sighs) Todd’s right, E.J. We’re glad to have you back. Billy was worried.

E.J.: Where is he?

Trish: He’s watching TV at my place. I just came over to get his things so he could spend the night, but now I’ll go get him. He’ll be super-glad to see you.

E.J.: Thanks, Trish. Thanks for taking care of him.

Trish: My pleasure, E.J. I’ll go get him.

(Trish turns and departs to get Billy.)

Todd: You sure had us worried, bud. But like I said, we’re glad to see you’re OK.

E.J.: Thanks, Todd. You guys are great. (stands up, extends hand to Todd)

Todd: (suddenly embraces E.J., teary-eyed) God, E.J., I’m so glad you’re back!

E.J.: (unnerved by the sudden display of emotion, pats Todd’s shoulder while stepping back) I’m glad to be back, Todd. I’m really glad to be back.

(Billy runs in and joins in the man hug. E.J. tousles his hair, as does Todd. Trish looks on from the sidelines.)

Trish: Man, I wish I'd brought my Polaroid for this.

(Scene transitions to Lydia’s apartment. It is Sunday morning, and she is happily cooking Sunday dinner while talking on the phone to Trish.)

Lydia: (stirring pot) …and he was just lying there, asleep on the couch?! My goodness, dear, I still don’t understand why he didn’t call. (Trish answers as two flies buzz in from the open, sunlit window.) Well, I suppose he did get questioned a long time. (Trish says something on phone as the flies buzz over the stove, then toward the sink.) Yes, I’m expecting you folks in about an hour. (Trish replies as the flies land together on the edge of the counter. Lydia grabs a flyswatter with the left hand as she continues stirring with the right. She takes aim, hoping to get a two-fer.) Just a moment, dear…

(Lydia swings her fly swatter hard at the two flies, smashing them completely. Just then, the two thugs that jumped E.J. are suddenly in the kitchen, replacing the dead flies. They, too, are dead, smashed bloodily, almost beyond recognition. Lydia drops the phone, screaming hysterically.)

(Fade to black.)

(E.J. Ra end credits begin to roll.)

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